by David D. Horowitz
“Growing up” typically entails forsaking childish illusions for adult “realities.” Precisely what realities, though, does “growing up” entail? Should growing up mean giving up an arts career if one cannot earn a middle-class living from it? Should one renounce poetry or playwriting because they cannot reliably provide a four-bedroom suburban ranch house? Should growing up mean no longer watching baseball or hockey because they are “children’s games”? Should growing up mean forsaking telescopic sky-scanning so one can work until 10 p.m. at an office?
Should growing up mean raising children? A person stops being a child by raising one? Should growing up mean one at least marries—such a commitment signifies seriousness of purpose in relationships, and this focused commitment provides the basis of a stable community? Is this the core of adult identity?
Surely, many mature adults do not own suburban ranch houses; remain sports fans, arts practitioners, or science hobbyists; and do not marry or raise children. “Mature,” though, does tend to imply acceptance of responsibility to earn a living and to support children, if one is raising them; courtesy even during conflict; and appreciation of perspectives beyond one’s own. It entails cultivating empathetic awareness. As one ages, one should broaden, stretch one’s capacity to consider diverse perspectives. One needn’t agree or capitulate to remain empathetic and peaceable. “Adult” entails the ability of, say, a middle-class breadwinner and a bachelor bohemian to live in peace, not that one become exactly like the other.
The adult perspective, then, recognizes and respects complexity. The adult embraces thoughtful challenges to his or her perspective. This might make life and thought more difficult, but responsibility to larger reality means accepting such difficulty. Ignore the truth, and you’ll likely live a lie. Surely, raising a family or owning a house can foster responsibility, and commitment can deepen love. Many “grown-ups,” though, do not like to wear a gray flannel suit and do not need a patio barbeque and three cars to teach them about responsibility. Responsibility to complex reality is where adulthood starts. And one complexity is how differently so many responsible adults live.