by Marie Davis and Margaret Hultz
This year fall had come too gently, causing Bunny to have a loving memory of Sara. That was it—Bunny was highly allergic to good thoughts. Unconsciously bending down to haplessly pick up the first scrap of litter, Bunny was clueless that she had—as so many times before—been abducted by her brain.
Bunny made it all the way across town, and was exhausted after days of collecting trash without any sleep. Huddled in an alley between a coffee shop and the Post Office, Bunny desperately wanted to rest, but she had returned to a dark place that most people know nothing about.
Was it a dream, or had a pirate’s life saved me? She glanced down at the weight on her hip. Maybe it’s true? Why else do I have a cutlass belted at my waist? But where is my ship? Did I really learn how to fire its seven cannons? And if a pirate’s life really had saved me once, why has it given up on me now?
“A life of piratedom . . .” she muttered as her voice drifted off. Sleep finally arrived and a snore rumbled in her throat and raucously rolled out of her nose.
Once again Captain Lizzy, Esmeralda and Rosie were hunting for their lost shipmate, Bunny. Captain Lizzy commanded, “Stick close together, me hearties.”
Esmeralda wrung her hands. “Captain? What if we can’t fix Bunny this time, what if her brain has got her for good? What if she won’t ever come back?”
“It’s n-n-n-not like you to be gloom and doom, Esmeralda.” Rosie stammered.
“I don’t know Rosie, things are not promising.” Esmeralda fretted.
“What are promises anyway—just a-a-a crap shoot.” Rosie mumbled.
“Promises—shromishes! The honor between pirates is much more certain!” The captain said, quickly stopping in her tracks. Trailed by her crew, Lizzy crept around the side of the Post Office and drew her sword, “Thar she blows maties, I spies our rotten Bunny.”
Cuddled in a corner, poor Bunny had built a flimsy fortress surrounding herself with shopping bags stuffed full of garbage, a pitiful attempt to keep safe. Bunny’s brain had somehow escaped from her skull. Her brain, swollen nearly to the size of an elephant nervously patrolled the bags’ perimeter
“Aye maties, I sees it. The grey beast is—pacing in front of her.” Captain Lizzy murmured.
“Ohhhh . . . Lookie there! What a monster! But Captain, we can’t kill it!” Esmeralda pleaded, “If we kill it, it will kill Bunny.”
“Aye me boatswain, don’t fret, somehow we’ll finagle that beast back inna her head. But the brain—and Bunny’s brain in particular—it be the meanest kind of monster there is.”
“Maybe one of us should just go out there are talk to it?” Esmeralda suggested.
The Captain put her finger to her lips, “Shhh . . . that blasted brain might hear ye, and besides, ye can’t reason with crazy. Its more libel to snatch you up and stuff the likes of us into one of those bags of trash—or worse yet—knowing our vicious Bunny . . .”
“Well, i-i-if it’s that dangerous Captain, leave that crazy woman be and let’s get out of here— this is serious—I’m scared. ” Rosie’s voice broke and she began chewing her fingernails.
Bunny’s brain perked up at the sound of the tiny whispers and spotted the women in its peripheral vision. It turned and out if its cavernous mouth came a roaring furnace of fire!
“ACK!” The pirates screamed and ran.
ROAR! Again the brain spewed fire toward the women!
Clustered together and crouched behind a pick-up truck, wild-eyed Rosie stuttered, “I-i-it’s a f-f-fire breathing brain!”
Esmeralda rubbed her forehead. “No wonder Bunny is always so hateful.”
“CRRRAP!” Lizzy grumbled under her breath, “Oh blimey, a sword’s not gonna put out a fire.”
Just then Bunny’s brain turned the corner, breathing fire to the left and then to the right. Pedestrians scattered in all directions, tufts of their clothing fell like fiery rain while the reek of singed hair filled the street.
Lizzy whispered to her crew, “Avast, she’s gotten worser than I imagined.”
Knees knocking, Esmeralda asked, “What do you think set her off this time?”
“M-m-may-maybe something good happened, you know how that upsets her.” Rosie surmised.
ROAR!! Brain-flames licked the sides of buildings while noxious fumes billowed into the street forcing the pirates to cover their noses from the burning stench.
Bunny moaned loudly, and the brain raced back to her side. The pirates followed it cautiously from a distance. Smoldering, the brain bent over and looked with care at Bunny, gently stroking the woman’s cheek—then it roared the most intense fire. Bunny’s face reddened and in spots her skin boiled and blistered—her red-haired spikes now looked like blackened candles with fire burning merrily at the tips.
On hands and knees the pirates crawled to hide behind the next car, to get a better view.
Peering closely into Bunny’s charred face, her brain began to cry. Tears dripped from the brain, dousing the licking flames. Smoke and Bunny’s moans filled the air.
“Well . . . look at that. That monster of a brain is crying for her. Maybe Bunny ain’t so bad after all?” Esmeralda remarked.
“NAW,” Lizzy said, “Anger ain’t nuttin’ but fear turned upside down.”
Rosie spouted, “That ol’ fight or flight idea.”
Esmeralda nodded her head, “Except Bunny ain’t got no flight in her.”
“BUNNY!” Captain Lizzy suddenly jumped up and hollered, waving her arms.
The brain turned and immediately spit fireballs at the captain. “SHIT!” Lizzy ducked down again and stammered, “That’s it ladies, there ain’t nothing to do but appeal to that brain’s inner pirate.”
Esmeralda nodded, “Sure . . . there’s gotta be a pirate down in there somewheres.”
“Wh-wh-what does it want?” Rosie wondered.
“It wants what we all want—it wants pirate booty.”
“Somehow, I don’t see our Bunny or her brain a bit interested in gold, jewels or silver pieces.” Esmeralda said.
The brain heard the women and turned to roar more fire.
“ACK!” The pirates bolted and hid behind a nearby delivery truck.
“That pirate brain of Bunny’s is gonna murderize us . . . that’s what it wants.” Rosie wrung her hands.
“Hmmm . . .” Lizzy thought hard on the predicament and summoning up her courage she screamed, “ATTACK!”
With that, all the women jumped up following the Captain as they ran toward Bunny.
“Grab a bag ‘o garbage and run!” Captain Lizzy ordered.
Each woman nabbed a bag and took off fast in the direction of their ship. Bunny’s eyelids flew open and a hateful scowl formed on her face. Bunny was full of rage. An able ally, the brain returned to her head.
“Scatter the papers!” Lizzy ordered as they ran.
Bunny set chase, spewing vengeful words at the fleeing pirates, “You ain’t pirates, not even close! Pirates don’t run away, y’all are nothin’ but scairt little girls playing dress up. Lizzy, your damn boat won’t even float, just wait, you’ll see. Thieves! Stupid little scairt thieves is all—stealin’ my treasures and treatin’ it like trash—I never cared fer a one of ye . . .”
Like flames, the words licked the soles of their feet.