by T.C. Eisele.
It is a typical night in the Palace on Mount Olympus with Apollo and his orchestra on the bandstand and the Gods sitting around a lavish banquet table in their finest Haute Couture. As the wine flows and ripples of laughter move in and out of the music filled air, a beautiful young man in a waiters tailcoat can be seen quickly making his way to where the 12 Olympians are seated. When he arrives at the table, Ganymede immediately notices Jupiter in a flashy Gaultier suit sitting at the head and staring blankly into space. Assuming that his King is either deep in thought or royally bored, the Head Server of the Gods instantly makes his way over and asks, “Can I get you something My Lord?” When he receives no response, Ganymede eventually puts two and two together and realizes Jupiter is drunk, yet before the young Maître d’ can repeat his question, the King of the Gods unexpectedly emerges from his stupor and apropos of nothing declares, “Human beings have always worshipped celebrity…It is a part of their nature, and it began with the Gods.”
It is customary for the other Olympians to defer to their leader when he speaks, yet while those at the table wait in expectation of what he will say next, Jupiter merely slouches back in his chair and resumes staring into space. Accustomed to her husband’s buffoonery after a few drinks, Juno quickly jumps in and changes the subject. “Does anyone know if Pluto is going to be here tonight?” she inquires with a smile. After some murmuring from the others around the table, a very fetching Vesta speaks up and replies, “He usually doesn’t come to these events My Lady.“ “Oh my, I was afraid of that,” says Juno sadly. “You know I can’t help but think that he isn’t having enough fun down there in Hades.”
Using Juno’s diversion as an opportunity to secretly flirt with her King, Venus turns to him and whispers, “you possess such deep insight my Lord.” When Jupiter looks up from his daydream and responds with a stoned wink, the Goddess of Love smiles back seductively and leans forward in her low cut de la Renta gown.
“Nice rack,” thinks Mars, who downs his wine before glancing around to check if anyone else is admiring the scenery. When he looks across and sees Bacchus apparently passed out with his head on the table, the God of War deftly places his thumb and middle finger into his mouth and emits a loud, shrill whistle.
Jerking his head up to see a blurry image of the God of War in a black Saint Laurent biker jacket, a bleary eyed Bacchus yells back, “I’m not a fucking dog,.…..What do you want?”
“Sorry bro,” says Mars, as he holds up his empty glass.
“You need a refill?” mumbles Bacchus.
Mars nods.
Noticing a carafe nearby, the God of Wine reaches for it, but misjudging the distance manages to spill wine everywhere.
“YOU FOOL!!!” screams Ceres, “YOU’VE SPILLED WINE ALL OVER MY VINTAGE DIOR DRESS!!!”
“Awesome,” comments Mercury, as he and Neptune break out laughing like a couple of high school stoners dressed up for prom night in their Alexander McQueen suits.
Almost instantly Ganymede is on top of the situation as he directs a crowd of servants to clean the table, assist Ceres with her dress, and replenish the wine. In the meantime, while chaos plays out around them, Athena and Diana discreetly lock eyes across the table and telepathically share a fantasy about removing each other’s form fitting Primavera cocktail dress.
“Sartre may as well have been referring to the Gods when he wrote, “Hell is other people,” thinks Saturn, as he sits at the opposite end of the table from Jupiter, watching the action and sipping wine like a movie star in his classic Armani Tux.
Once the excitement is over and everyone has returned to eating, drinking, and acting like fools, Jupiter turns away from his flirtation with Venus and resumes with his rambling remarks. “Humans worship us,” he says, to no one in particular, “because they admire our perfection…..They are like children seeking guidance and they look to us to show them the correct ways to behave.”
Looking absolutely stunning in a sleeveless Givenchy gown, Rhea whispers to Saturn, “be nice,” as she senses her husband’s growing annoyance with every word coming out of their son’s mouth.
“I’m always nice,” he replies.
“No you’re not,” she says with a loving smile.
After narrowing his eyes at her, Saturn turns and loudly interrupts Jupiter. “Excuse me son,” he says, as the other Olympians fall silent and Apollo stops the orchestra. “If human beings worship celebrity it’s not because they are inspired by the Gods, it’s because their own desires and ignorance often gets the best of them…..Much like I’ve seen here this evening”…… Following a dramatic pause, he looks around at the other Gods and adds, ”It seems to me that our King’s elitist views on this matter are nothing more than prejudice from an age gone by.”
With everyone now looking to Jupiter for a response, Juno once again attempts to cover for her husband by changing the subject. “C’mon Dad,” she says affectionately to Saturn, “let’s just have a nice feast…..Would you care for more wine?”
“So I’m from an age gone by?” sneers Jupiter, as he looks around the room until his eyes come to rest on Saturn. “In case you haven’t noticed “Dad” there are no Titans around here any more except for you.”
“Is anyone thinking about dessert?” says Juno, kicking her husband under the table.
“I am!” replies Rhea.
“Maybe you’ve forgotten,” replies Saturn, as he stares back at his son, “but The Golden Age of Humanity occurred on my watch….It’s only since you fabulous Olympians have been in charge that human civilization has once again reverted back to the sort of ignorant behavior you’re referring to.”
In response, Jupiter leans back in his chair and drunkenly roars, “My rule brought democracy to humanity…….One for all and all for one!”
“Really?” replies Saturn sarcastically. “And when was the last time you visited the earth to see how that’s been working out?……While you’ve been up here for aeons indulging in your numerous vices, everything has fallen into the gutter down there…….Human beings need our help……You may think that humans are nothing more than children, but the simple fact of the matter is that they have been given the same spark of divinity that we have……
Hearing the words “humans” and “divinity” mentioned in the same breath draws a collective gasp from the other Olympians, to which Saturn responds, “I hope you all haven’t forgotten there is a universal order that supersedes your illustrious positions?” He frowns at the group……..”An order that not only serves you, but requires your collective service in return ….. For when Gods indulge themselves with no regard for anything else, then they’re only kidding themselves about being in charge, or being superior.….
Following a brief moment of whispers and averted eyes from those listening, Saturn resumes, “On the other hand, when humans are provided with a little compassionate guidance to assist them in their struggle to evolve and find their highest nature, “then peace will guide the planets, and love will steer the stars”……
After downing what’s left of his wine, Mars indicates Saturn with an unsteady jerk of his thumb and loudly asks those around him, “Did he just dis us?”
“Dear old Dad is a stickler for the universal order and the fate of his precious little humans,” replies Jupiter, as he looks around for more wine.
“You know what?” says Saturn, who now appears to be bored by his surroundings, “why don’t all of you “Celebrities” have some more to eat and drink…In the meantime, I have some important appointments on Earth to attend to.” After standing and extending his hand to Rhea, Saturn glances over to Apollo, who then turns and launches the orchestra into a spirited waltz while the tuxedoed God and his stunning wife happily dance their way out of the hall.
-Excerpted from the novel “Mr. Saturn” by T.C. Eisele