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The Center of the Universe Omelet.

July 1, 2015 by Exangel

by Robin Suzanne.

Way back in my murky past, lurks a brief chapter from an impulsive life.

It occurred in a very, very small town. The highway running through it only acknowledges its existence by slowing to forty-five miles per hour for the distance of not quite half a mile. There is one main crossroad and a clutter of ill-behaved homes not more than two deep near the highway. The town is so small and so consistently poor that when the bar burned down, no one bothered to replace it.

A general store with lunch counter and gas station sits near the main crossroad on the business side of the highway. It dispenses burgers, beer, cigarettes, sodas, dusty cans of corned beef hash, potato chips, gasoline and showers for two dollars which includes clean towels. The same side of the road sports the barren site of the ill-fated saloon, an abandoned four room motel and a building which houses the post office, two small office spaces and a café, mostly furnished.

The rent for the two office spaces and the café, mostly furnished, of one hundred and twenty-five dollars per month sounded real cheap, since I was from California. So I dived in, bought a refrigerator and a few other items, like an electric griddle to supplement the doll-sized-cook-stove that came-with. This was a venture for which I was ill-prepared, as I had never even waited tables before. I am a good cook and had raised a family, so I figured I could do it. I was right. I could do it, but the town could not support it.

Well the café did an OK business during the first week of the month, but gradually faded as the month wore on, so it soon became clear I was not destined to run a café for the rest of my life. Which as I remember it all now, was a blessing. Running a café is a LOT of relentless and repetitive work!

Among the culinary adventures I visited upon that little town was “The Center of the Universe Omelet.” Since everyone had to walk past my door to get their mail, I hung signs out, doing a count-down to the big event. Whenever anyone asked about “TCotUO,” I would smile mysteriously and say, “All will be revealed on the big day.”

What I never let on was that I had no idea what it was going to be. After much thinking, two days before the event I drove forty miles to the only place big enough to buy supplies and bought the ingredients. Now the other secret was, I had never made an omelet. But, I had a friend who volunteered his omelet making skills for the day.

So, here’s what I came up with… sliced toasted almonds, Monterey Jack cheese grated, sliced fresh strawberries and a dollop of sour cream folded into the omelet; topped with more cheese, strawberries and toasted almonds. This was placed onto a plate, next to a serving of country fried potatoes. In the bare corner of the plate, I then centered a cantaloupe ring over an au jus cup containing a dollop of marmalade.

The café was full that morning and just before I brought out the first plate, we floated some 151 rum on the marmalade. I brought it out flaming and received a standing ovation!

After the café went bust, I moved on to other things, but I’m sure there are folks in that tee-tiny town who remember the day the Center of the Universe Omelet came to town. Or, maybe not.

Filed Under: EAP: The Magazine, Summer 2015: This May Be The Last Time.

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In This Issue.

  • Who Was Dorothy?
  • Those Evil Spirits.
  • The Screaming Baboon.
  • Her.
  • A Tale of Persistence.
  • A Conversation with Steve Hugh Westenra.
  • Person Number Twelve.
  • Dream Shapes.
  • Cannon Beach.
  • The Muse.
  • Spring.
  • The Greatness that was Greece.
  • 1966, NYC; nothing like it.
  • Sun Shower.
  • The Withering Weight of Being Perceived.
  • Broken Clock.
  • Confession.
  • Francis Coppola’s Apocalypse.
  • Sometimes you die, I mean that people do.
  • True (from “My Life with Dogs”).
  • Fragmentary musings on birds and bees.
  • 12 Baking Essentials to Always Have in Your Poetry.
  • Broad Street.
  • A Death in Alexandria.
  • My Forked Tongue.
  • Swan Lake.
  • Long Division.
  • Singing against the muses.
  • Aphorisms from “What Remains to Be Said”.

In The News.

That cult classic pirate/sci fi mash up GREENBEARD, by Richard James Bentley, is now a rollicking audiobook, available from Audible.com. Narrated and acted by Colby Elliott of Last Word Audio, you’ll be overwhelmed by the riches and hilarity within.

“Captain Sylvestre de Greybagges is your typical seventeenth-century Cambridge-educated lawyer turned Caribbean pirate, as comfortable debating the virtues of William Shakespeare, Isaac Newton, and compound interest as he is wielding a cutlass, needling archrival Henry Morgan, and parsing rum-soaked gossip for his next target. When a pepper monger’s loose tongue lets out a rumor about a fleet loaded with silver, the Captain sets sail only to find himself in a close encounter of a very different kind.

After escaping with his sanity barely intact and his beard transformed an alarming bright green, Greybagges rallies The Ark de Triomphe crew for a revenge-fueled, thrill-a-minute adventure to the ends of the earth and beyond.

This frolicsome tale of skullduggery, jiggery-pokery, and chicanery upon Ye High Seas is brimming with hilarious puns, masterful historical allusions, and nonstop literary hijinks. Including sly references to Thomas Pynchon, Treasure Island, 1940s cinema, and notable historical figures, this mélange of delights will captivate readers with its rollicking adventure, rich descriptions of food and fashion, and learned asides into scientific, philosophical, and colonial history.”

THE SUPERGIRLS is back, revised and updated!

supergirls-take-1

In The News.

Newport Public Library hosted a three part Zoom series on Visionary Fiction, led by Tod.  

And we love them for it, too.

The first discussion was a lively blast. You can watch it here. The second, Looking Back to Look Forward can be seen here.

The third was the best of all. Visions of the Future, with a cast of characters including poets, audiobook artists, historians, Starhawk, and Mary Shelley. Among others. Link is here.

In the News.

SNOTTY SAVES THE DAY is now an audiobook, narrated by Last Word Audio’s mellifluous Colby Elliott. It launched May 10th, but for a limited time, you can listen for free with an Audible trial membership. So what are you waiting for? Start listening to the wonders of how Arcadia was born from the worst section of the worst neighborhood in the worst empire of all the worlds since the universe began.

In The News.

If you love audio books, don’t miss the new release of REPORT TO MEGALOPOLIS, by Tod Davies, narrated by Colby Elliott of Last Word Audio. The tortured Aspern Grayling tries to rise above the truth of his own story, fighting with reality every step of the way, and Colby’s voice is the perfect match for our modern day Dr. Frankenstein.

In The News.

Mike Madrid dishes on Miss Fury to the BBC . . .

Tod on the Importance of Visionary Fiction

Check out this video of “Beyond Utopia: The Importance of Fantasy,” Tod’s recent talk at the tenth World-Ecology Research Network Conference, June 2019, in San Francisco. She covers everything from Wind in the Willows to the work of Kim Stanley Robinson, with a look at The History of Arcadia along the way. As usual, she’s going on about how visionary fiction has an important place in the formation of a world we want and need to have.

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