by Patrick J. Sacchetti.
“The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.” – Albert Einstein
They were a rag tag collection of social misfits and diabolically clever outcasts with bigger mouths and even bigger opinions, yet not having the brain capacity to back up their grand schemes of life. Not that that fact stopped them, or even bothered them from voicing their varied prejudices, biases and worldly observations onto anyone within earshot. Every Saturday or Sunday morning they would meet at the local bookstore with a cafeteria to sit down and discuss the daily topics of concern and analyze, dissect and formulate a plan that would resolve the topic of the day. Now if only the rest of the world or universe would cooperate and do everything that they said to do, then just about everything would be perfect. “Perfect Universal Order” is what they hoped to achieve by discussing topics of concern during their coffee book store meetings. One individual in the group ignited their collective passion into some serious action.
This bitterly cold January Saturday morning where temperatures with the wind gusts dropped to thirty-five degrees below zero. When Luke finished breakfast and went to take his dog “Rasputin” out for a walk that morning, the winds were howling so loudly that the part Labrador and Bulldog, better known to Luke and his friends as a Bullador, was jumping into the air trying to take a bite out of the nasty winds in hopes that this would calm them down. Snot was dripping down Rasputin’s big snout and leaving wet marks in the snow. Luke’s heavy breathing left puffs of smoke in the air after every breath was blown out of his mouth.
Rasputin peed in a circle in the soft snow leaving his mark. He bulldozed through the snow while Luke struggled to keep up with the dog while breathing even heavier than before. Neighborhood people usually said “There goes Rasputin taking his owner Luke for a walk” when seeing the two out. After several more gallops through the snow Rasputin made it to his favorite place in between the forest preserve and a townhome lawn next to the forest preserve. Leaving two steaming piles of excrement for Luke to handle, Rasputin felt good and did his usual “Poo Dance” after the cleanup.
It was while bending over this morning to pick up Rasputin’s excrement load that Luke Augustine’s head started spinning while straightening up from the crouch position. He was not sure if it was because he was coming down with the outrageous flu that had sidelined several of his neighbors, or maybe it was his Duloxetine kicking in for his depression. Or, it was possible that he drank too much honey whiskey the night before. Hell, he did not stop drinking until 5 am and it was only 7 so realistically it was only a couple of hours ago that he finished getting up close and personal with that good old trusty bottle of honey whiskey. More than likely it was a combination of all of the above is what he settled on that caused him to see the stars and the birds flutter around inside his head while standing back up with his bag filled with Rasputin’s shit.
Luke Augustine, in his mid-40’s and barely making a living in Product Safety Consulting, was considered the nucleus of the group by the other members. Not because Luke was a physically gifted strong young man, it was quite the opposite. He was more of an avid athletic event viewer than participator. Not that he wasn’t coordinated or physical, it was just not in his DNA to be the quarterback of the school team and prom king type of person. He was definitely not the Mensa type with genius level IQ as he was quite the extremely average of average students and flunked out of the Southern Illinois University. One of the professors, upon being asked by Luke why the failing grade, the professor responded “What did you think was going to happen? Do you think you are going to be splitting atoms sometime in the near future? Get out of here already.”
The reason that Luke was considered the nucleus and star of the group is because he took total opposite views of the rest of the group on every single topic of discussion but somehow got them all to agree to something about his viewpoint and, in the process, eventually turn around their thinking to his. He was in control of them as if the group were one person with several heads, arms, torsos and hands with multiple thoughts, opinions and prejudices that he was molding into one coherent rational voice. All for the sole purpose of Perfect Universal Order, of course.
He met up with the usual Saturday morning coffee club members at the corner bookstore in the antiquated outdoor mall. Half the stores were shuttered down because of the impacts from the last recession. But,the bookstore being right on the corner of the busiest intersection in that part of the northwest side of Chicago, was busy. In particular, the coffee shop. Great coffee drinks were had at reasonable prices. Tables and chairs to sit in and do homework or even conduct business on their laptop. For the older guys there was the appeal of young college female coeds behind the coffee counter offering up salacious coffee drinks who they could tease and get embarrassed without having to worry about any type of sexual harassment charge. Anything goes in the bookstore coffee club as you will see.
Luke walked in this Saturday and had ordered up his usual Iced Americano. Even though it was winter Luke felt that nothing was more refreshing than an Iced Americano. Something soothing when the iced caffeine drained down his throat, coating the inner side of it with nice cool coffee before the caffeine rushed into his system. Even though he was the only person in line he noticed it was taking Melissa extra time to make his particular drink because of all of the mobile orders for pickup that were piling up in front of him. Melissa would shout out “Latte extra whip for Jessica!” then continue to the next round of mobile coffees for pickup until she would announce “three iced coffees for Chad!”. Several minutes would pass until another round of “Two hot chocolates with no whip at the mobile counter for Todd and Leah!” A frustrated Luke said to Melissa “I should be able to tell by the names who the cell phone coffee orders are from. Chad, Chase, Jessica, Leah, Marianne as well as Corrine” while shaking his head in disgust. “I bet that they do not have time for real sex and participate in group cell phone sex by sending each other pictures of their genitalia. With their genitalia monogrammed with their initials so they know whose junk they are playing with themselves to” continued Luke.
To his happiness, Melissa laughed while turning a dark shade of beet red. She laughed out so loud that the people in the cafeteria that were reading put down their magazines and books to see what in the world could possibly be so funny. There is no laughing in the bookstore! While pushing the coffee towards Luke, Melissa commented “You should also come to my other job. The new restaurant/brewhouse that opened up on Western Avenue. I am also a server there during evenings.”
“Really?” responded Luke. He had been in that brewery-restaurant and the beer was a little stale and the food was just a bit better than the chow he fed Rasputin out of the can. However, what made this all interesting to Luke was that all of the waitresses were forced to wear tight fitting shorts and revealing tops showing the mid-section of the server’s belly. And of course, just about every server had a unique bellybutton ring that Luke loved to look at while they took his order for food and drink. While taking his coffee and book that he brought along, Luke went to go read a little and drink his coffee until the coffee crew eventually all gathered around him for the day’s session.
Situated in the main part of the cafeteria of the book store, next to the coffee shop, were several comfortable leather-bound chairs and a matching leather sofa. Luke placed his cup of coffee down at the table and plopped down into the leather chair with the chair exhaling an air of release as Luke’s body took shape in it. He opened his book and waited for the crew to arrive. It didn’t take long.
While opening his book and flipping through the pages, Luke felt a slap on his back and a “What’s up Cool Hand!” from a familiar voice. Standing next to him was none other than Charley Killdare, or C.K. as the neighborhood knew him.
Charlie was a rare person in that he combined coolness with intelligence and street smarts. But deep down inside was a nerd who also loved books and stimulating conversation. Charlie knew everything about music, everything about artists and in particular, everything about baseball. In grade school he had the best overall baseball card collection and in high school he had the most prime album collection. Calling him a renaissance man would not be far off the mark but Charlie was more special than to be labeled by a bourgeois’ handle like that.
“Where is everyone?” asked Charlie.
“Still early” responded Luke. “People are probably still rolling out of their beds right about now. What’s going on? Any new adventures for Charlie?”
“Was at the Bulls game the other night sitting in great seats near the floor. I could literally see the sweat drops fall off of their foreheads onto the basketball. I had, maybe, the best combo Italian Beef and Italian Sausage with sweet peppers. There were different flavored beers that were mixed together – awesome. Winter Brown Sugar Ale brew mixed with Hard Cherry ale was my favorite. Great time” responded Charlie.
“Who won?” Luke was interested as he was a big basketball fan.
“I really don’t remember. Ran into Commardo and some other’s and we hung around the beer stand drinking cold ones. Then Tony lit up the fattest joint I’ve ever seen and we forgot all about the
game. Was talking for the rest of the evening with this great looking blonde who had gorgeous blue eyes and was wearing the tightest jeans I had ever seen. It looks like they were painted on” said Charlie reminiscing about the sight.
“What did you talk about? The game? Politics? Music?” asked Luke as he wanted to live vicariously through Charlie’s sporting event banter with the blonde this morning.
“I really don’t remember. I kept on gazing into those blue eyes and then I would drift down to her top which had the top two buttons loosened. I must’ve been at least somewhat charming because she did laugh a few times” Charlie was still reminiscing the sight as he explained this to Luke.
Right about that time in wandered the lone female in the group. Stephanie Bennavutti. She was several years younger than Charles and Luke and unlike the rest of the Coffee Club Crew, Stephanie grew up privileged in an upper middle-class neighborhood. Not a butler and maid type neighborhood but an area known for their big houses with big back yards and well-manicured lawns. She grew up in a very conservative suburb, unlike the rest of the Coffee Club Crew, but Stephanie loved to play the part of Bohemian Hipster. She strolled in laughing in jeans with holes cut out in the knees and with an army jacket with her first initial S. sewed onto a patch with Bennavutti right after.
“Look who is gracing us with her fine presence this Saturday morning. None other than Miss Stephanie Bennavutti. Decided to do some “slumming” this morning and come drink coffee and talk with us commoners?” asked Charlie sarcastically. “Get any new clothes from the thrift shop?’ he inquired as he looked at Luke, winked and smiled. Charlie knows that the Bohemian style and feelings for the downtrodden act that Stephanie likes to play out has driven Luke crazy.
Luke would roll his eyes and groan whenever Stephanie would go on about how “White women are just like the African men in this country. Both of us have been raped and lynched by the White man. Both of us have suffered at the hands of the white slave masters who run this country.” He despised the Bohemian act and the fake “poor person’s” clothes she paraded around in. Parading around in “pretend tattered” clothes were what Stephanie considered a hip, meaningful statement about society. Luke considered it a boorish, hypocritical and phony act. No wonder they would occasionally, unknown to the rest of the Coffee Club Crew, go off to private sleazy hotels for seriously charged, unadulterated fucking. Fucking like cats in heat as there would be screaming and clawing going on and sometimes the residents in nearby rooms would complain and call the police on them. One time the police arrived in full force expecting to see a bloodbath going on in the hotel room because the complaint from the neighboring rooms said a murder or sadistic beating was going on in the room next to theirs. So, the police took no chances and battered down the door only to find Stephanie in a cowgirl outfit riding her wild bucking stallion Luke for the evening and digging her heels into his sides drawing screams of joy and blood from Luke’s white hide while they did a sordid performance of “The Funky Monkey” together. Stephanie looked around the cafeteria section looking for someone and ignoring both Charlie and Luke in the process. She asked if anyone saw Joseph Salerno around; they were reading some religious books together and Stephanie wanted to get his advice on something.
Charlie responded “St. Joseph is not here. He is probably playing priest again at that alleged church he attends. He digs those groovy white collars that they get to wear and loves giving sermons about how terrorist organizations have infiltrated the top network television stations and that an elitist liberal group comprised of all left-handed Jewish professors are actually in control of all the major Universities with their goal of turning the intelligent top young students into subservient communists intent on destroying democracy Not to mention that Starbucks is a front for heroin smuggling and sex trafficking.” Luke responded on how his favorite St. Joseph sermon was the pro-life and anti-abortion sermon. Word on the street is that Joseph stated that, not only, unborn babies are sacred regardless of the stage of pregnancy, but if a man ejaculates during his sleep during a sinful dream that he has to scoop up the heavenly “Life Juices” (Per Joseph, not my words) and give them a true Christian burial instead of a flush down the toilet.
“Joseph has probably jerked off shooting a steeple full of “Jesus Juices” out of his “Holy Life Injector Tube” and simultaneously killed close to several thousand humans then if you go by that sermon” added Charlie for good measure.
“That is all so funny!” interjected a sarcastic Stephanie. “You make everyone laugh hysterically!” with her tone actually stating that she did not find their humor interesting or funny in the slightest. “What is the deal with running down Joseph and trashing him like that?” asked an insulted Stephanie. “His family is religious and his father is a Pastor at the Church. They are good honest people.”
“Really?” continued Luke who was just warming up. “You think because someone reads the bible and has a Pastor in the family that they’re automatically good people? That’s what you really think?”
“What is your problem with Joseph and his parents anyway?” asked Stephanie. “They think a little bit differently but they never go around judging people. Joseph is always saying that we are all God’s children and that we are all brothers and sisters.”
“Well if we are really all God’s children and are made from his image then I imagine that God is a real deranged, perverted, imbecilic bastard” continued Luke. “Have you taken a look at some of God’s children lately? At some of the activities they participate in? You’re not aware of the hypocrisy of the alleged Born-Again Christians who read from the bible every Sunday and spew hatred and venom towards anyone who disagrees with them on any subject the remainder of the week? They think that Jesus is on their side and that they have personal conversations with him in their heads. Having conversations with dead people and communicating with them with thoughts from your brain would normally grant you a one-way ticket to crazy town. During elections Jesus comes down, incognito of course, and pulls the lever for a straight Republican ticket. A straight Republican vote from Jesus is actually worth about 57,000 votes” continued Luke. “Also, and I may be crazy and hopefully this is not sacrilegious, but to the best of my knowledge Jesus did not pull out a hand-gun during his crucifixion and tell everyone that if they thought they were going to nail his ass to that wooden cross, Smith and Wesson and he had different opinions on the matter.”
“Is that so?” responded Stephanie. “You can’t believe that there are good people in this world, can you? It hurts you miserably whenever you see that someone is doing something out of the goodness of theirhearts. A majority of people in this world really are good people. Remember that.”
“Really”? responded Luke. “Let me let you in on a secret. God’s perfect children? They exist alright. They exist in another separate galaxy far the fuck away from this solar system. They tossed all of “God’s Illegitimate Bastard Children from the Wrong Side of Town” and dropped their goofy asses over here in this south side of the galaxy area. Sort of an ethnic, religious, cleansing if you will” continued Luke. “Then you know what they do for fun in their civilized perfect galaxy? They watch satellite television reality shows of us on humongous big screen TV’s. They get to see us in real time 3D holographic images where they throw parties with their other perfect God like friends in their real universe and watch us in our holographic images at their party drinking, laughing and saying shit to each other like “Good thing we dumped their subhuman goofy asses off on their own private solar system. Could you imagine them being in the same solar system with us?” continued a charged-up Luke.
“Then for good measure they do an intergalactic vote where they actually decide on how their reality TV shows end and decide on who gets to live and who dies. Not only who dies but how they die. They decide this all over drinks and intergalactic appetizers” sneered Luke. “There are no good fucking people in this galaxy, I tell you. We are the idiot bastard cast offs from the privileged “True Children of God” sneered Luke through a clenched jaw.
Right at the exact moment Luke was imploring about humans being the idiot bastard castoffs from the True Children of God, who other than Joseph “The Saint” Salerno comes through the door. “Well if it isn’t the Love Child of Jesus himself, Mr. Joseph Salerno arrives!” exclaimed Charlie.
Charlie’s introduction of Joseph had the exact same annoyance effect on Luke as the Stephanie introduction did earlier except for different reasons. Joseph’s radical biker image along with the self-aggrandizing, born again Christian mantle that he wore like a thorny crown on his head, along with his hypocritical, prejudiced, bigoted and distorted views on society, riled Luke more than Stephanie’s Bohemian Rich Girl championing the downtrodden act did. With Stephanie, she did indeed do small things to help out the downtrodden and needy like working soup kitchens on Thanksgiving and making donations to needy families on Christmas. Whereas Joseph would dismantle a quote from the bible, take it all out of context, and contend that helping the poor the way Stephanie was actually hurting them more than helping them. That Stephanie was performing “Socialist” acts that went against God’s testament. Not to mention Joseph’s love for guns and violent protests against abortion clinics. He kept pictures of his assortment of guns in his wallet in the same place where normal people usually had pictures of their relatives and children. To Joseph, shooting off his gun at the range was taking orders from God himself. While older than Charlie, Luke and Stephanie, Joseph was married with two daughters. In many ways Joseph was much more immature, gullible and innocent than the remainder of the group. Even though he was married to an actually normal, good looking woman, and had two normal intelligent daughters, Joseph acted like a freshman in high school at times. He would act like a moron whenever there was an even half attractive female in the café leading Charlie to state “Joseph gets a hard on when he walks by a tuna sandwich”, to which even Stephanie agreed to.
“The Morality Army” or “God’s Holy Avengers” were terms that Joseph liked to hang on to the groups that he belonged to. “Hypocritical Heavenly Circus Freaks” is more what Luke thought of the groups. Although in the near future, Luke will find Joseph and his belief system very helpful in constructing his “Perfect Universal Order” program,
“Good morning Stephanie, Charlie and for last but not least, good morning to you Luke” said Joseph as he entered the cafeteria.
“Great timing Joseph. We were just talking about you” said Charlie. “We were wondering exactly how many souls you saved in the last year.”
Joseph was not paying attention to Charlie’s barb as he was looking intently at Charles’s shirt which read “Weed is Safer than the Government” stitched in a hazy green color against a blue background. “Classy shirt Charlie. You are kidding though – right? It is not like you seriously think that weed is safer than the government. Do you?’ asked Joseph.
“Listen Joseph. Let me introduce you to the 21st century and to a herb that is all natural, has untapped medicinal value for a variety of illnesses, is now legal in a majority of the United States and is close to being legal in all fifty states and one of God’s greatest natural creations – Marijuana! You do realize that marijuana is not the outlaw rebel psychotic drug that it has been referred to throughout the 20th century, I hope. There are social as well as medicinal values for this weed. This is the product of the 21st century and will be marketed in ways to normalize it. How do you like the idea that is being floated around of k-cups that are part Hawaiian coffee and Jamaican marijuana? The coffee to give you that extra edge with the marijuana there to make sure you keep a good mellow feeling at the same time. I swear, there is talk of a new chain where you can go in and order up your marijuana joint, or bong, in a high-volume restaurant type store. They are going to call it Star Bongs.”
“All that could be true but to say our government is not safe is sacrilegious” continued Joseph. “Marijuana and all the other drugs are much more dangerous than our Government has ever been”.
Charlie could not help but look at Joseph as if he were looking at an alien being from another planet. “I hate to do this to you Saint Joseph but you are aware of that other dangerous drug that has been around since the 1950’s, LSD, correct?” asked Charlie.
“Yes. Yes, I have heard of the drug LSD Charlie. What’s your point”? asked Joseph.
“My point being that the United States Government created LSD in their CIA labs and experimented with it as a kind of mind control, or truth serum, to use against hostile forces” responded an incredulous Charlie. He continued “Look up The MK ULTRA Program spearheaded by Dulles at the CIA. He had the CIA test unknowing subjects by subjecting the people to LSD and having the results recorded for a study. This study went on using American Citizens as guinea pigs from 1953 to 1964. And the people that were used? The most vulnerable and easiest targets. Mental patients from local psychotic wards with sexual deviants being their favorite flavor of psychotic of course. Inmates from nearby prisons and especially violent criminals. The late mobster Whitey Bulger, from Boston, while he was in jail his area was tested with LSD and he reported seeing blood spurting out of the walls and the prisoners taking the drug with him turning into skeletons and having talking skulls for heads. Not to mention that an actual unknowing member of the CIA, Dr. Frank Olson, was experimented on and given LSD unknowingly that caused his death in 1953. He was given LSD without his permission at a New Year’s Eve party in New York. The following day his body was found outside of his hotel splattered on the sidewalk. It took several hours to figure out who it was and the fact that he was secretly given LSD stayed a government secret until the CIA records were released in the 1990’s. Do not be naïve or ignorant about what our government is capable of. Yes, I do believe that marijuana is much, much safer Saint Joseph.”
“There are always going to be experiments gone wrong. As long as the intentions were honorable and performed in security’s sake for the country, and I am sure that for that particular time in this country’s period it was, then nothing wrong was done” droned on Joseph as if reciting a mantra that is drilled into the heads of cult members. “The government, the CIA especially, have to do the dirty, thankless work that protects this country” continued Joseph.
“Listen to me Joseph” began Luke earnestly. “Whether the government was right, wrong or indefensible in their actions for the last fifty years is irrelevant. The question is, besides praying and riding your Harley to prayer missions with other Born-Again Bikers, what exactly are you prepared to do for goodness and morality?”
“You mean what would I do for my country or my faith if it were under attack?” questioned Joseph. “I did serve honorably for our country for eight years in the Air Force, in case you have forgotten”.
“No” said Luke flatly. “I am not talking about protecting your country or defending your faith from doubters, or worse yet, from unmarried fornicators.” Luke took a pregnant pause while sizing up the crowd there. “What I am talking about is what are you willing to do to protect innocent people from being rolled over in society? From being used, abused and confused by the ruling class of the 1 percentile? What are you willing to sacrifice to see that honest, hardworking citizens are not taken for chumps by the upper class on a regular basis? Are you willing to stand up for others’ rights like Jesus did? Or are you only going to keep on praying, hoping that your mind-thoughts get beamed up directly to God and Jesus, that they then look over their schedules and decide on whether they should even respond to such small issues since they do have things like global warming and diseases to be kind of concerned about” continued Luke. “Somehow, I bet that you would slam your door shut, turn off all the lights in your house, and grab all the automatic weapons that you have in your house and prepare to shoot anybody that comes within spitting distance of your shrine of a home. You are a big talker Joseph, that’s about it though” said Luke smiling and smirking at Joseph. “All of your actions do not back up the rhetoric however. Not that I would expect anything else from a hypocritical bible bungler like yourself though.”
Joseph eyed Luke up while Charlie and Stephanie looked on waiting for the return volley. Joseph did not disappoint. “Luke you do not know any better and I feel sorry for you. You wish to believe in these alleged experts over wisdom. You would rather parrot the talking points of these scientists and professors who spout off dramatically and turn your back on the light of truth. I would do anything to protect anyone from evil. Even you Luke. Even you” said Joseph.
“Have they checked the plumbing and pipes for lead content in the house you grew up in Joseph?” asked Charlie. “Lead exposure can bring on these delusions from what I have been told. When I was a kid, I was not lucky enough to have lead come from the pipes that brought in bathing and drinking water. I had to get my lead through those painted trucks that our parents would get us. Remember those yellow trucks? Those were the tastiest of the painted toys from what I remember. Maybe not as tasty as those red colored cars. And the paint! The paint had a glow to it and was like super thick and so tasty. I loved the stuff I hate to admit it” went on Charlie to nobody in particular.
“The neighborhood where I grew up in. Where the working class lived Joseph? You do know that they are just admitting to it now that plumbing in the older houses contains extremely dangerous levels of lead that Charlie refers to” Luke was eyeing Joseph right now and continued on. “Is it mere coincidence that only after decades we are notified of the lead content in houses that we grew up in, bathed in and drank water from that faucet in? If we were from the Gold Coast area or the North Shore there wouldn’t even be any discussions of potential lead in the water. What are you prepared to do for the people who do not have a powerful voice behind them? People exposed to radiation dumps and other man-made catastrophes that do not have a big player with a big wad of cash to back them up. Are you ever going to take the side of the common man or will you and your kind going to continue to fawn over and praise the top 1% in the country?” Luke was exasperated at this point and merely shook his head at Joseph in disbelief.
“You and your kind talk about protecting life. Bullshit. The only reason you want to protect unborn children is so that they can also be brainwashed into your childish beliefs. When it really comes to protecting people and protecting life you run away. The actions of your kind don’t match up with the teachings of Jesus” Luke stated. “What if I told you that the people who are responsible for hiding the water test results from the state are the same people from your church – elected officials?” asked Luke to a bewildered Joseph. “Yeah. That’s right. There’s been knowledge of high unsafe levels of lead in the older buildings where I grew up but the test results were conveniently stashed away. As a matter of fact, they make their millions by dumping toxic waste material into poor neighborhoods. Right outside of my grade school were the dumps. In these dumps on an annual basis a very wealthy and influential Waste Company dumped toxic chemicals including PCB’s, cancer causing agents, right into the dump’s ponds where my friends and I played every summer. You would probably love them however for the good work that they do and the money they contribute to the community.”
“Let me tell you Luke. I would not stand for anyone exposing innocent families to toxic poisons” responded an offended Joseph.
Joseph Salerno grew up the oldest of six sons in an upper-class neighborhood bordering the area where Charlie and Luke grew up. His father, Lawrence Salerno, was an ordained minister and the neighborhood loved him. Every summer Mr. Salerno held summer festivals with local bands as well as local restaurants selling food. The most popular event of the summer festival however was the annual raffle with all proceeds going to Mr. Salerno’s favorite charity. Every year the raffle was more and more extravagant. One year it was a seven-day trip to Hawaii. Another summer a brand-new Chevy Impala was raffled off. Money was rolling in from Mr. Salerno’s side projects and his family prospered. He even married couples in their own backyard holding a bible and reading a few things from the bible before announcing they were now man and wife.
Everything from the outside looked perfect to the neighborhood. What wasn’t seen was the constant drinking that Mr. Salerno did. Or the beatings he inflicted on his wife. Worse yet were the beatings that he took out on Joseph whenever he tried to intervene and stop his father from beating his mother. Or that Mr. Salerno once took the children out in the backyard by their picnic table that had an object on the table that was covered. He gathered the children around the table and said to them “Look. I am the Lord and Savior of this family and what I say is the rule around here. All that garbage they pump into you during Sunday School. Forget it all right now.” He commenced to lift the cover off the object on the table revealing the neighbor’s dog which was bleeding from the throat and close to dying. Mr. Salerno scooped up the dog and drained as much blood as he could into a cup. Then he passed the cup around for everyone in the family to drink from the cup of the dog’s blood. Joseph hesitantly lifted the cup to his lips, tilted the cup just enough to let a few drops of the dog’s blood enter his mouth, when his father grabbed his hands and tilted the cup further forcing Joseph to suck in some of the blood. Afterwards, Mr. Salerno told the children gathered around “You have all drunk from the cup of God’s animal and we are now all together on this. What you will learn from now on will come directly from me.” And he did teach the family of six sons many things. How to put a choke hold on a person until they passed out from lack of oxygen to the brain. How to cut a man’s throat, making sure to slice the main artery, causing an instant death. But what Mr. Salerno loved to teach his family more than anything was how to clean, load and shoot a gun. One shot, one kill is what he would tell them. Waste not when it comes to ammunition.
One evening when Mr. Salerno was getting ready to start a beating on Joseph’s mother, Joseph stepped in between them telling his father “You are never going to touch this woman again. You have hurt enough people and it stops tonight!”
A shocked and surprised Mr. Salerno stopped and laughed out loud. The family had never seen the old man laugh so hard before. It was one of the few times that he actually looked like he was enjoying himself. He looked at Joseph and said “You know what son? You are absolutely correct. I am not going to harm your mother ever again. Whenever anything goes wrong in this family, I am going to take it out on you!” to which the elder Salerno grabbed a skinny young Joseph and dragged him downstairs. Once they got down to the empty, dark, damp and cold basement Mr. Salerno told Joseph, “You know what Joe? Sometimes before I beat your mother, she gives me a good Catholic, old fashioned blow job. What I expect from you son is some of the same.” To erase those memories from his mind Joseph would imagine Jesus being nailed to the cross, with the nails being driven in painfully through the fronts of his feet, attaching human meat and dripping blood to the cross and causing excruciating, humiliating pain. Each nail driven in and the service that Jesus did for mankind is what Joseph would imagine during those horrible episodes in the family basement of the upper middle-class neighborhood they lived in.
First Chapter of the newly self-published eBook “Heaven’s Assassins” by Patrick J. Sacchetti