by Tom Ball.
I said to him, “Your pretence to be a normal human, was flawed. There are no longer any normal humans. Everyone was crazy and most were freaks.’”
Of course, the law required everyone visit a psychiatrist once a month.
And I was one of the more expensive shrinks, so I got to meet many of the rich and famous.
I told my latest client that, “I had seen it all, but I hated what humanity was becoming.” Everyone was mad on crack cocaine, PCPS, LSD, miscellaneous opiates and stimulants and other drugs. All drugs were legal.”
And people were selfish, greedy and bizarre in addition to being crazy.
And many people were having bizarre sex with “aliens,” and multi-sexuals and android love dolls. And people changed their sex often and with it their whole ID. There was a lot of theft of Credits.
And people wore bizarre scents and had weird accoutrements, weird plastic surgery and colorful skin.
And some of my lovers were turned on by me, but I tried not to hypnotise them to love me. “It was unprofessional,” I told them. “But I wasn’t against sex with my women patients in general.”
And some patients wanted me to write a letter of introduction on their behalf to famous people. I was a skilled writer.
In fact, I was a well-known ghost writer, writing as a female about love affairs. And of course, I had written, “Tales of Madness.” The books were about different scenarios and cultures in a different time period from our own.
Science fiction, fantasy, horror, romance of course my new genre, madness.
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And then I spoke with a fledgling writer who was trying to write an autobiography, entitled, “Journal of a Useless Persona.” He said, “I felt like many others that he had no use. I had previously worked in customer service but was replaced by an android.” “Are you an android?” He asked me.
I said “No way. I am pure human.” and I said, “Don’t worry you have use. If only to your lover and children.” He said, “I don’t like it, but I guess I have to accept it.”
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Next a guy who, “Heard everyone talking about him in English.” He was Chinese but spoke fluent English as well as Mandarin.
I asked, “Why would anyone want to talk about you, you are not famous.”
He said, “The secret service was in my head because he was the smartest man in the world.”
He said, “They were holding him back.” I said, “Even if it’s true, you have to use your intelligence in a good way so as not to attract attention.” He said, “That’s just it they think I will make waves.” And he handed me his “Manual for True Freedom.” The manual spoke of making an IQ test the fundamental requirement for government. If government was cleverer, society would be improved. I said, “Maybe if you take medicine for paranoid schizophrenia, they will leave you alone.” He said, “It’s a brilliant idea, I would try it.” And he did and the voices receded somewhat.
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As Herman Hesse said, “Many madmen pass for normal.”
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Then I met a man who played in a rock band. I listened to their music and it was great, but somewhat discordant. I said, “Go ahead push the barriers of sanity. Luck favors the bold. But as Syd Barret said, ‘Hold on to the steel rail.’” He said, “You are right, life is all about knowing when to stop!” I said, “You don’t need my advice. Just follow your heart.”
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Then I had a patient who claimed he was perfectly sane, which caused me to doubt his sanity. So, I did some psychoanalysis. He said, “I kept hearing Geiger counters buzzing…”
He said he was on “The dark side of the moon.” I said, “Sanity is just a word, we are all mad some of the time, if not always.”
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Then I had a patient who was in a virtual reality experiment. She said, “It was still experimental, and made me feel dizzy in the virtual mover.”
I asked, “What brought you to be a virtual reality experiment? She answered, “It was the future.” I said, “But it is driving you uncontrollably insane. I recommend that you just try and live in simple reality.”
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Then a man who had ADHD. And serious allergies to the environment.
I said, “You have dyslexia and that was the main problem.”
I recommended, “You live in Alaska where it was snowing and frozen most of the year.” But he said, “I was allergic to the cold also.” He said, “I’d like to go to space, but couldn’t do the training.” Finally, he was on oxygen and got into the business of selling oxygen to terminally ill patients. But the job was stressful and when I met him again, he said, “Modern society is, ‘information overload.’ And I couldn’t handle it. I just wanted a simple life with a wife and a family and enough food to eat. Is that asking too much I wondered?”’ I said, “We live in complex times, and the strong survive as always. You need to be strong and hold it together.”
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Then a girl who had neo psoriasis which drove her mad and she looked at all the beautiful women who had plastic surgery and was dismayed. I said, “We can cure that. Why didn’t you seek treatment when it first began to bother you?” And so, I gave her some healing cream and I said to frequent dark bars where they wouldn’t notice so much her rashes. One-night stands… anyway the medicine would take effect in a week.
She claimed she was the true Empress of China and she wore yellow colored robes, the color of Emperors.
I recommended, “You continue to smoke opium and carry on. Only keep taking the medicine.”
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Then a pyromaniac. He was obsessed with fire and confided in me that he had started 50 fires in California over the last two years. He said, “He was an agent of the God, Prometheus.” I told him, “To try and be constructive.” And then I told the authorities about him, breaking psychiatrist-client privilege.
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Next, a woman who had a nervous breakdown. She was an educator/tutor and the kids drove her crazy. But now she was 56 and could retire. I said, “Your suffering is over, you can live in grace and comfort and travel the world.” She said, “I drive myself crazy, I know. But I don’t know what I would do with my time if I retired. Conceivably I could live on for hundreds of years. One gets bored of travel and comfort.” I said, “Contrary to popular belief, there are worse things than boredom.”
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Then a woman who had just got out of the mental hospital. She said, “Most people in the mental hospital will never leave.”
I said, “One Who Flew Over the Cuckoos’ Nest,” was inspirational. None of us wants to go there. But I said, “Congratulations, you made it out.”
Many patients figured I was crazy.
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And I observed that driving people crazy was a new offence in the criminal code. People brought suits against one another. Love was madness.
And the government was sued by many for driving them insane with their spies, and hypnosis. The cat was out of the bag and most believed however, that the Leadership was sane, but a strong minority doubted it.
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Next a woman who said, “I kept falling in love. It was good confusion. Love.” But she said, “I was out of control.”
I said, “You are, like many, totally spoiled.”
She said, “Those who admit they are mad are the best people.”
I answered, “Love makes the world go round. But you need to stop losing control, I am prescribing tranquilizers to calm you down.”
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Next a patient who laughed at psychology and said, “All we did is give opiates to people and didn’t help them to become sane.” But I used hypnotism on him and rearranged his thinking. “Respect mental health,” I told him. I made him more respectful and humble and charitable. It was all possible with post-hypnotic suggestion.
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Next a woman who said, “I would run for President of the US as an Independent.”
But she said, “The US Secret Service was in her head and making her miserable.”
And she said, “I would run to fight for sanity in a mad world.”
And she said, “I would have referendums on all important issues confronting the government.”
And she wanted to concentrate high rises in all the cities and get everyone to live in urban areas.
And she wanted everyone to have a peace quotient (PQ).
But she said, “The spies wouldn’t let me run and so I am depressed.”
I said, “There’s nothing I can say to you that you don’t already know. Fight the good fight; it’s all you can do. But you can help the needy and help humanity in other ways, besides politics. Earn yourself the Nobel Peace prize, or something.”
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He was a megalomaniac, a rich multi-trillionaire. He told me, “He wanted to be the world’s first zillionaire. He was involved in all kinds of business.” But he complained, “The spies were in my head and were preventing me from getting richer…
I said, “You want to be good, maybe not a saint, but hat’s off to you. You have to be content with what you have and not be too greedy. Perhaps the spies just don’t want any one person to be too powerful.”
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I reflected that 90% supported the status quo. But the vast majority of my patients were unhappy with the World milieu.
But I worried that spies made dissidents disappear.
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She said, “American spies were trying to overwhelm other countries through MRT hacking.”
No spies were assigned to me, full time, but I heard them in my head sometimes and so I had to curtail my love with patients. The spies told me, “I was corrupt.”
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Then I had a patient who was a clown and he came to me all dressed up. He said, I sought to make people to look on the light side and feel good about themselves, mostly children.” Socialism and ambition. “God helps those who help themselves,” I said.
And I advised him, “To stop clowning around and get serious about this serious world.” I gave him some stimulants.
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She was known as the world’s greatest lover. She had a pretty, intelligent face and told me, “I am a sex machine.” And she said, “I had superhuman energy and would find your erogenous zones and give you an oil massage.”
But she fell in love with many of her customers and it was unrequited love.
I said, “If you are such a good lover you should be able to win the hearts of the rich and famous.”
She said, “They liked me, but felt I was just a slut and not a worthy companion. They preferred to have children with more stable women, not me, their crazed lover.” I said, “I want to love you.” And she acquiesced. And it was the best sex I ever had. She was so creative and energetic. We made love with dream music and she followed the beat hypnotically. I was mesmerised and nearly lost control of myself. But she said, “I have to move on.” So, I thanked her.
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I thought to myself, maybe one day everyone will be a shrink.
The whole world is going insane.
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She said, “I was probably the second richest person in the world with an estimated net worth 600 trillion. But in all my companies I was a silent partner. No one knew my true identity.” I said, “I am amazed that you can get away with it!
She said, “My children all hated me. Just like King Midas I turned everything into gold including my kids.”
And she said, “I reached a plateau of happiness 3 years ago and now every day I felt worse.” She said, “I was tired and strung out and was juggling too much work.”
And she said, “I should have perhaps been an actress. But now I am too old to change.” I told her, “You still looked good.” And I said, “You depress me, the Shrink.” I said, “If even the richest aren’t happy, who is?” And I put her on tranquilizers to calm her down.
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To cap off this year, I simply temporarily retired and spent my time raising my numerous children and looking for new mates.
My kids and I experienced virtual reality worlds together. We only went to sane, decent Worlds.
And I lived happily ever after.
There would always be more and more people with mental problems, so I was assured of a job in perpetuity.
THE END