by Blake Chapman.
Do what you can and do what you must.
Isn’t that the grand scheme of things? To live the American dream? To live a dream of freedom and peace? To die without envy and hate?
I’m not sure what the right answer is, but I do know one thing: dying without freedom is dying without a cause. To die with freedom, to live with freedom, one must first give thyself to freedom. When that freedom bell rings the whole country rejoices under the flag of the red, white, and blue.
For when democracy sings, it’s a sweet tale of wonder and woe. Let the history of men break out. Let’s be great again. Let’s let the world be renounced as evil and wicked and rebuild again under a new face of Man: that face is your face; that face is my face; that face is all of us; it’s the face that stares back at us with a smile and laughs.
Ha-ha. Hee-hee.
Well the times of my Life within this country have been abrupt and tragic. It has left me shaking to my core. Inside my core is a reality that does not exist unless I make it exist. I see the world in a panoramic view. Let’s just call it THE mental struggle for the mental war within myself, which is one that many fight. It’s a war for the soul, body, mind, and spirit. It is fought with thoughts and mental wounds that never close. Mine hasn’t closed for many years. It has been open and sagging and gouging. It engages me to think such thoughts as if I’m really a soldier in the middle of a war. Well I fight this war with courage and bravery. I never let the dust settle and I will not leave this world until the dust is unsettled.
You see I was born under unique circumstances, for my Mother does not remember who my true Father is and does not remember ever having sex to create me. She always called me a gift from God. The man who is my Father is an evil man. He’s a wicked man who does wicked things. He is as evil as they come. But those are all stories for another time. Everything will come out, though. Yet when it does, who will believe me? Who will think I tell the truth? You see the truth is a wicked thing at times. It eats you up at night. It gnaws at you during nighttime. It claws at your chest. It makes you feel small and weak. I no longer want to feel small and weak. I want to feel big and strong. I want to be among the mighty. Yet I stay living among the weak.
I will be strong one day. That day will begin today and will never go away. I must be strong for myself and for my family. I have to be strong because the past is full of trauma and disgrace and dishonesty. The past is full of evil and vile things. The past made me but the past cannot break me. The past has long past but the present is here in the now. I must live in it as I dream of things yet to come. The things that are yet to come must be left for the future, which is something that nobody can predict, even if you are the best psychic in the world.
I hear I was born in the early morning in a hospital famous for helping low income people of all creeds and needs. I don’t remember being in the womb much. I don’t even remember what it was like to be with God before I was created. Sometimes I wonder what it was like. If it was light or dark? Which one should or would be chosen: the light or the darkness? The light illuminates our soul and the darkness breaks them. Together our souls bind them. Do good people choose the light or do bad people choose the dark? Or is it the other way around?
My Mother, always a quiet one, I wonder if she screamed when I popped out. My Father was probably yelling since he always yelled at people. He probably screamed so loud that the doctor almost dropped me. Sometimes if I think too hard I can still hear him yelling.
“Faggot!”
“Bitch!”
“Sissy!”
I didn’t know he was such a bad guy until I was older. I never liked him much. He was always mean to me and doing weird things. He is such a bad guy. It took me years to figure this out. I did not learn it until I was in High School and did not really realize the magnitude of this creature until I had dropped out of college. When I finally realized it I felt stupid and scared. Stupid for having him as my Father and scared because he was my Father. I often would wish that other men, mostly teachers, would be my Father…but stuff like this can never happen. The past is the past and there is nothing that I can do to change such things, even if I prayed as hard as I could. There are some things that can and must never be changed. If I could, I wouldn’t change any of it because the past is what brought me here. It made me into who I am, but it will never break the person that I have become, for the person that I have become is a person that I am proud of. I am a good person with good intentions who only wants the world to become good and become better because it is my deep belief that the end of the world will only come if we let it happen. By letting it happen I mean in the terms of continuing this trend of being a bad person who does and says bad things. Reversing this trend is what I believe could change the world and put Humanity on a good path for an evolution that we could be proud of.
I call this evolution world peace.
Well, I hope Father Time does something with my Father when he passes on. He will probably be in Hell burning, but that is not what I hope. I hope that in whatever next Life comes, I hope that he is living his best life and changing who he is because he has wasted his time on Earth by being an evil person. I believe that whatever God is out there, Father deserves a second chance. We all deserve this. No matter what you have done on this Earth, let’s hope that God is as forgiving as we think It is. But hope is all we have in the end. So let’s hope for a better world.
The things I’ve seen have terrified and scared me. It has broken me into one-hundred different pieces. I have seen myself broken into shards as I wondered how to put myself back together again. I am like glass. I break easy but I am also like the Human body, for when I am broken I repair myself. This is a gift that I have learned over time. It is the greatest gift that I have ever received.
Glass or not, my black skin is a statement in this country. It is one of racism and one of unity, one of lies and one of truth, one of honor and one of disgrace, one of pain and one of woe, one of sovereignty and one of oppression — but who are the oppressed? Who are the free? If I am oppressed then so are you, brother. We’re all slaves in this mental war of control, but I can detect the hierarchy smiling down at us with their desperate and tired grins, a mad look in their eyes. The hierarchy carries out the evil deeds in this society, but so do the people, for we are one and the same. We all act the same, talk the same, love the same, and hate the same — yet we are all unique and different in our own special little ways.
I am against the wall now as I think about the past. The past is somewhere that I do not want to go back to. Yet I’m stuck to it. I’m stuck to it like a web. I cannot get out. It’s trapped me in its clutches and it won’t let go. No matter how many times I struggle against it, I pray and hope for a better day. The better days have not yet come but the bad ones still reign in this entire kingdom. Its banner stands proud and glorious amongst the moonlight. We are waiting for the day when the sun comes out and shines bright, waving a banner full of peace and serenity.
Poverty touches my soul. It reeks on my clothes and it stains my hands. I am dirty and brittle. It makes me stick to my mind as I try to solve the riddle. How do I get out of here? Poverty is a riddle that I cannot figure out. I try and I try and I try, but the world wasn’t made for people like you or me. We are innocent souls looking for positivity instead of poverty. We were not built for this world but the world was built for us. We build around it as it falls apart before our very eyes. I want to repair it and fix it so it looks nice and new. Right now it looks tired and old and soggy. Its cranks just don’t crank anymore.
Fuck those that are ruining the world. A war is going on in the streets and there is a war in our heads. The struggle of Man is one of pain and power, but the struggle that Man faces brings a greater need for peace. The peace of my fellowman is the peace of myself.
I give this world and this country a piece of myself in hopes of peace and a better world.
Today and tomorrow, we sing tales of the light coming and of us rejoicing in it. We tell of the glory yet to come. The kingdom for which it stands is in trouble. It’s in deep trouble because a wall of shit surrounds it. This wall of shit is detrimental to our evolution as a species (animals, included) and it is holding us back. There are people who are evil and vile and vicious in this country and the world ruining everything only for money and power. The two of them correlate with each other as they kiss and make up. But what are they making up for? The dead walk the streets as they go to work in their used cars, as they sit in their coffee stains like they are sitting in shit itself. The local bum is still a bum. The local pizza boy delivery driver is still the local pizza boy delivery driver. What are we living for? What are we dying for? Is it pain or is it peace? Is it hunger or is it desire? Is it you or is it me? Choose one because I am sick and tired of living and dying for a spot in the hidden hills amongst the great and the worthy, for what is deemed great in these days is not great and for what is deemed worthy in these days is not worthy.
We are the change. We are the tide that waves over the entire country as we shower the world with our grace and our humility. We used to have that and goddamn’t, I still believe we have that — but we have to find it first. We have to find ourselves, help and heal ourselves, before any change can be brought. It is somewhere hiding because we are hiding as well. We are driven by a spell, the spell that is woven into our culture because culture drives the vehicle that carries our national spirit. But who carries our national soul? What vehicle is that? Is it me, you, or nobody at all? The one who gets picked is the one who will make or break this world. The one who doesn’t get picked is the one who will take this world. But the one to take this world has to be the one who makes the world into a better place. I believe that the Government drives this vehicle and the people not chosen are the people themselves. The constitution was made for and by the people — and by God, the people are the people who are going to change this country and this world. I just hope that it is a good change and not a bad one. Let’s let the evil that resides in this world, go back into its cell, and never be seen or heard of again.
God is a strange entity. I have met God or at least what I thought was God. I had a near death experience twice. Once was from a suicide attempt at sixteen and one was from a bad car accident that really did not end up that bad. Everybody was safe and everyone lived, but I saw my Life flash before my very eyes. It was like I was transported to a different world. I was carried from my body up into the air, going into space amongst the cosmos, all the way up to Heaven. I was transcendent with beauty. I felt nothing at all. I did not feel glee or fear. I did not even feel pain.
I was as empty as my pockets.
God was big and strong. He had long flowing hair and a long flowing beard. It revealed Itself to me for half a second and then disappeared. I say It because I do not want or wish to assume that God has a gender. Man has put genders on things that they should not put genders to: toys, clothes, shoes, and God. Some things don’t need labels or genders and I wish that they were left to just be. But what does it mean to just be? It means to simply exist or not exist. We all exist in a unique sense but I believe that there are things that do not exist in this world, things that are only in our minds. Things that coexist only because they wish to mate and create new Life, even if it is only in our minds.
Imagination is a funny thing. It’s as strange as aliens and in a way it is alien. But what is alien wasn’t always alien. Imagination and thinking used to be looked at as gifts from God, then it became witchcraft, and then it became a billion dollar market that profits off of using and controlling your mind into doing what they want and when they want, however they want. The constitution wasn’t built like that, though. It was built for the people and by the people but now we are against the people. We cannot expect to evolve if we are fighting the people who we are meant to fight for. This mental war we fight forgot what the constitution looked like. We are controlled by the real entity: the United States Government.
We look at Government like God. They are the maker, the breaker, the taker, and the creator. Their eyes seem to be everywhere. They watch you through the lens of your mind. It’s like a camera lens that never turns away or off. Some people have it and some people do not — but those who do are chosen by God to lead the country into greatness. These people have the mental ability to look past common sense (common sense doesn’t exist in psychology) and question reality and the people who present that reality to us.
We can talk to God but we cannot see God. Those that see him, even if it is only for a few seconds, are those that are lucky enough to have a chance to help and heal the world — but first to do so you must help and heal yourself. The leaders must lead as well but first you must lead yourself. That is the price of sacrifice when it comes in terms of giving up what we love in hopes of a better world.
It is our manifest destiny to open our minds to the possibility of telepathy and clairvoyance. We believe in God and we believe in free will but we deny the idea of telepathy or clairvoyance — at least most people do. They are called mental illnesses these days. The Government and insurance companies squeeze every ounce of dollar and coin that they can get from what used to be called gifts from God. I’ve heard that drugs for your thoughts can often be looked at as protection, for if people were truly able to read minds and thoughts or look into the future — those who wield the power could then use such power for harm. Evil is all over the world, not just in this country or that country — but it remains a strong force during these days. It’s always there as it looks back at us with it’s cruel laugh.
Today is the day that I must stand up to the evil, for the evil that I face right now is an ancient tale: the tale of a Father abusing his son and how I survived through the greatest use of oppression in the history of mankind: the mental struggle for freedom. It is a different kind of slavery. It is one of thoughts. We are controlled by our thoughts. But who controls these thoughts?
It is the question of the century and it is one that will never be answered. Nothing will be answered when our fellowman is suffering and dying. We suffer for our thoughts and we suffer to regain the power back so that we can unlock our minds. Unlocking our minds untaps all types of potential. We have the potential to do so much more and be so much better, but we waste it on being average and unsatisfactory. Those that get better will see the world get better. The world does not get better until we get better, until we are all one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Being one is the greatest thing one can do in a country like this where we are all supposed to be one. Yet we focus so much on the self and what the self can do, but the self needs other selves to become whole. One cannot do everything on their own. We need each other, brother. We need each other to become better people. This is what is needed to create a better world for ourselves and for our future descendants. Let’s hope that they do not have to deal with what we have dealt with and continue to deal with on a daily basis.
We don’t have to be equal but we can be fair and just. We can hope and dream for a better world, for better days. It’s better said as this: “Ask not what your country can do for you– ask what you can do for your country.”
Powerful words from a powerful man, but what is power to Man? Power is a strong force, stronger than any I know. It clings to the psyche and it clings to your skin, hands, fingers, nails, and toes — and it never leaves, not right away, anyway. It stays with you for a long, long time. The longer it stays the longer it makes you quiver and shake with fear. This is the state of our nation. Our bright and beautiful nation: the United States of America. This is the state of the world and of the Universe and it’s many planets. A lesson learned is this: love is not war and war is not love. Peace is love and love is peace.
So why do we rage a mental war that has no love nor peace?