by Erin Trampler Bell
“…Now, we are growing up. And as we enter into the world of adults, our whole lives are ahead of us. Of course, unlike when we were younger, we now have the responsibility…”
Matthew stretched back in his seat as Mindy, his twin sister and co-valedictorian of their class, droned on. He was glad he had relinquished the graduation speech to her. Unlike Mindy, Matthew was not interested in gaining the approval of his teachers or fellow students, and had no desire to open himself up to the vulnerability of public speaking.
He looked around at the sea of blue and white mortarboards around him, the heads of the other students in his high school class, staring earnestly up at Mindy as she spoke of their hopes and dreams, of their journey forward, to college or to trade school or to work, wherever their goals or foibles would lead them. He scoffed at the whole idea. That wasn’t for him. He withdrew from that vision into his own mind, into the only place where he had found solace during his childhood, his refuge from the floundering world. His sister’s words turned to garble, washing over him in a language he didn’t understand.
Matthew had no foibles. He had known for a long time what he wanted to do when he grew up. He had been waiting a long time for that growing up to occur, had been pushing ahead to grow up faster. Always good with computers, Matthew had already been accepted to all three of his first choice schools. Now he was on his way to MIT, determined to get whatever degree he needed to make it big in technology, and the fast-paced world of business. He knew that’s where the big successes were coming from in the future. He was hungry for it.
Mindy, on the other hand, was planning to go to a small school to study classics, to become a rounded scholar. She had no idea what she wanted to do with her life–only that she didn’t want to spend it in the traditional way. She wanted to change the world, too, but her talent was in art, in study, in understanding human nature, in learning about the way nature worked. She was afraid of technology, of big business. Matthew was convinced that, if she had her way, she’d take back the last one-hundred or more years of human progress. He shook his head. No, he didn’t want to go back to the days of rancid meat and dirty streets, of no space exploration or civil rights successes. His sister had no goal, no single guiding passion. She was rudderless, as far as he was concerned.
Not Matthew. He’d been paying attention. While all his friends–and even his sister–were playing out their years of high school drama, he had been working his ass off to get a huge head start in this whole “growing up” business. He planned to get there far ahead of the competition.
And collecting his high school diploma this day was just the first step. With it in hand, he jetted off from his small, Midwestern life to the East Coast. The excitement of it pounding through his heart, he stepped off the plane in Boston and practically raced to the cab stand to get into the city, catch his first glimpse of the bright new future promised to all those who worked to get ahead, who strove for greatness.
The cab driver was a wizened old woman, with an apple-doll face and long black hair, heavily streaked with silver, braided down her back. Her folded skin was a nutty brown and her claw-like hands curled sharply around the steering wheel. Absentmindedly, he thought, “Indian… maybe Middle Eastern…” A litany of other potential cultural origins for that face with the high cheekbones and slightly exotic eyes rolled through his brain before he laughed, out loud, at how silly it must be to try to determine such a thing. Any number of such people were cab drivers in major cities, so he had heard. She glanced back at him to find out where he was going. Her eyes were clear and bright, not cloudy with age as he might have expected. They pierced through her ancient face.
“MIT,” he said, a smile bursting over his features. “I’m going to be somebody. I’m going to make this world richer, smarter… better! And it will reward me handsomely. So let’s hurry up, huh?” Impatiently, pretending to be joking, he flicked his fingers at her to encourage her to stop talking and move on.
She smiled back, the gold in her brown eyes glinting oddly in the muted, overcast daylight. “Yes, you shall,” she said. “You have a life ahead of you. You shall devour your future.” Her smile vanished as she looked him up and down, then turned back to the wheel and darted dangerously through the traffic, on their way to Cambridge and Matthew’s fortune.
Matthew arrived at his dorm room to meet his roommate, a gangly character a few inches taller than Matthew. Brett was at school to study physics. He was quiet, studious, curious, and exuded a calm that Matthew found admirable, but not very practical. How could a person build a successful career as a physicist? They certainly didn’t get paid enough. Matthew, on the other hand, was extremely single-minded. He dove into his program, and kept his focus tight. Still, he was as pleasant to Brett as he could be.
Matthew was in heaven. He gobbled up the knowledge made available to him. He honed his talents. Over four years, he was polite and ravenous for his future to arrive–a future that he could, as the old cab driver had put it, devour. At graduation, he received the honor of summa cum laude. Brett, seated nearby, leaned over to him to congratulate him. They had remained amicable through the entire four years, though Brett had never understood Matthew’s competitive drive, and they had parted as roommates after the first year.
As Brett looked into Matthew’s broad, smiling face, he was surprised to find that his neck was bending back. Matthew must have gone through a final growth spurt–young men sometimes do in their early twenties. He was now at least three inches taller than Brett. The young men wished each other well, Matthew feeling smug as he looked down over his acquaintance’s serious but satisfied face. Brett was looking forward to going on to graduate school. Matthew thought that was crazy. He was ready to start his life immediately.
Matthew was excited to get his first management job at a technology company in New York within three weeks of graduation. Even in a tough market, he stood out as a real go-getter, a model, up-and-coming young businessman. He was a hard worker, but even more, he wanted what his bosses wanted, and what they had, and they saw that. Within the first year, he had two promotions and raises and was invited to join an executive group that mentored young talent. He was on his way, again, and celebrated regularly with extravagant meals, the latest technological toys, and nights on the town with the most eligible women. He traded his modest apartment for a not-so-modest penthouse with vaulted ceilings and furnished it with every luxury possible, along with every game console and all the top electronics. He devoured objects the same way he had devoured knowledge. If it looked like someone prestigious would have it, he bought it.
One morning, about fifteen months after starting on the job, he was running late and decided to take a cab to work, rather than his usual subway ride. As he glanced up at the driver, he did a double take. That face was familiar somehow. The old, wizened woman gingerly placed her arm on the back of her bench seat as she turned to face him. “So, how is your career going?” Matthew remembered her as if a spotlight had been switched on in his mind. He smiled smugly. “I’m growing by leaps and bounds,” he said. “The only way to go is up.” She smiled back and said, “Yes, it is. Good for you. You are making the world fit you.”
This distracted him from the brief thought that, the last time he had seen her, she was driving a cab in Boston, not New York. Not to mention that she looked exactly the same, having aged not at all in five years. “Yes,” Matthew said. Making the world fit him–that sounded great. “I could have the world in the palm of my hand in the next year.”
Her odd eyes twinkled. “I see that about you. Yes, indeed you will.”
That afternoon, as Matthew was delivering a report to the young businessmen’s group, his mentor suddenly asked him, “Matthew, have you been working out? You seem, I don’t know… bigger somehow.”
Matthew was confused for a moment. “No,” he responded. “I don’t have time to work out. I’m too busy working up.” He grinned, and the awkward moment was diffused.
He went to the bathroom after the meeting and looked in the mirror. Gazing into the silvered glass, he noticed that, yes, he did seem bigger. Stronger. As if there was more of him. In fact, the top of his head vanished into the top of the mirror’s frame. He realized his eyes were level with the upper edge of the mirror itself. He had never noticed that before.
But it didn’t bother him. He assumed he was just feeling the success in his job, the power of his new role in society. It wasn’t that he was actually bigger. It was that he felt larger than life, that he was on top of the world. He was just seeing himself as he was, with a new confidence. The whole situation immediately went out of his mind as he washed his hands and got back to work.
That night, he decided he needed to get a king-size bed. His toes touched the bottom of his queen-size, and he wanted more room to spread out. Over the weekend, he splurged and bought a whole new bedroom set. While he was in the furniture store, he had his first real experience with the true power of his image. The salespeople seemed to be catering to him based on their perception that he had money. Matthew enjoyed the feeling so much that he lost control a little bit when a saleswoman suggested that he consider a more economical, eco-friendly model over the mahogany bed frame. He became annoyed and, without realizing it, snapped, “I know what I want, and I don’t need you telling me what it is.”
He was intrigued by the vehemence behind the words that had come out of his mouth. Was that excessive? But no, immediately the shopkeeper himself materialized, gave the employee a dressing down, and took over the sale. Matthew left feeling vindicated, and forgetting about the chagrined look of the saleswoman, he looked forward to the delivery of his new, top-of-the-line furniture. How prestigious it made him look and feel!
When he got into the subway, his head brushed the top of the door. It startled him, and he turned to look. Indeed, he stretched all the way to the top of the frame.
Monday morning, when Matthew awoke, his toes were out from under the bed sheet, reaching slightly beyond the end of the old bed. For breakfast, he ate more than usual, his appetite also reaching beyond its usual boundaries. He smiled to himself. He would take a slightly longer lunch break today, and would go to his favorite seafood restaurant for a nice, rare shark lunch. His sister, who had ultimately taken a communications degree and was now a science reporter, had told him that shark fishing was unethical anymore due to the ecological impact. Matthew didn’t care–it was so tasty! His mouth watered at the thought, even though he had just finished breakfast.
When he got on the subway that morning, he had to duck slightly. He was reading the paper at the time and didn’t notice. A few people stared, but he didn’t notice them, either.
Sitting at his desk later that day, he suddenly decided he didn’t want to take the subway or cabs anymore. He would buy a car that night. A nice one. Maybe at some point he’d even be able to afford to hire a driver.
For a short time after that, his awareness fully on his job, Matthew was oblivious to much else. He continued to rake in money and build his reputation and his desire for success. He collaborated with a few other young businessmen at the office, and within a matter of weeks they had cast doubt on their old mentor’s continuing fitness to manage them, let alone such an important part of the business. Together they made the case for their potential as leaders, and as the mentor and other leaders became marginalized, the younger generation took over the management of the firm.
It was just afterward that Matthew awoke one morning to find his toes now extended beyond the edge of the newly delivered king-size bed. He wasn’t too concerned until he realized he had been sleeping on it diagonally. He had stretched so far, but how had he not realized it? He sat up in bed, puzzled, and looked at his hands. Did they really look that huge? Thinking about it, he had noticed that his colleagues often whispered about him as he walked by them, staring at him.
He threw off the covers, disconcerted, and went to the kitchen. He needed to eat to clear his head. It was only after he had absently eaten a whole box of cereal and six apples that he realized his head had brushed the top of his own tall, arched doorway.
Matthew started to breathe heavily. He didn’t understand. How was he growing so much? He was now twenty-four years old–any growth spurts should have stopped.
He thought to himself, “I’m too busy for this. I’ll hire the best doctors… they’ll figure it out.”
When he left the kitchen, he had to duck. Again, he was too distracted to notice, searching for his smart phone. Where had the damn thing got to? He determined that he needed a better one–one with a self-locating device. No matter the cost, he decided. A better smart phone, the best doctors, and… well, probably at this point, a bigger car.
As he had these thoughts, Matthew experienced something he had never felt before. If it had been a sound, it would have been a “ping.” It came from the pit of his stomach. Immediately afterward, he felt as if he needed to stretch. Moments later, Matthew looked down. Was his head actually moving away from the floor? It must have been, because it bumped against the ceiling of his apartment–the not-so-modest, ten-foot ceiling.
Now, Matthew learned about panic. He tore from the apartment, out toward the street. The rest of his body must have been growing in proportion, too, because he had to turn sideways to push himself through his front door. He had to hunch over to ride down in the elevator. The doorman stared as a ten-foot-tall Matthew raced out into the fresh air, gasping for breath.
He looked down on the sea of heads before him, the general public making their way to their jobs, their lives. Several faces turned up to look at him and registered fear. He realized he was alone in this ocean, going through something completely unique. The panic began to subside as he thought about the situation more. Being bigger than everyone else put him in a new place–a powerful place. He could overwhelm any opposition. He could run the company on his own; he could become a true “big” cheese.
As he had these thoughts, he felt the “ping” in his belly, felt the desire to stretch, and the ground receded again as he extended up. Matthew chuckled. The very thought of what this could do for him made him hungry. He wanted more and more. He thought it would be a good idea to get brunch, and launched himself down the block. It was hard to move as spryly as he used to, but then again each stride took him further, faster than he had been able to move in a single step when he was smaller. He started to revel in his new size.
He got to the deli on the corner and faced a new challenge. He was now too big to get through the door. As customers left the place, they looked up at him and gasped. This gave him a brief consolation, making him feel powerful again, but the elation quickly deflated into concern. Where could he go that he would be able to fit? He’d have to custom-build a house big enough for him. He smiled, picturing a mansion so huge that anyone who went there would be dwarfed. Except him, of course. He would be the most powerful, intimidating man in the country. Perhaps in the world!
“Ping.” Matthew suddenly shot up several feet. A woman walking by screamed and Matthew’s smile vanished as his head leapt upward, the rest of his body expanding a split second later to catch up. Feeling a renewed pang of hunger, he leaned down toward the deli and reached his large hand and arm through the door. Without even thinking, he smashed the deli counter with his fist and grabbed a large handful of food, effectively removing everything in the deli counter. He pulled it out through the door and began to trudge heavily down the street. He ate all the food in two or three large gulps.
The pit of his stomach felt completely empty, even after eating all the food from the deli counter. Matthew’s hunger grew through him until it consumed him. He began to run through the city, trying to figure out where he could get more food, where he could get indoors, how he could find the people and resources to feed his gnawingly insatiable hunger.
“Ping.” Matthew grew until he filled the street. He reached down and grabbed a hot dog cart, ripping it upward and dumping the hot dogs out into his mouth. It only made him hungrier. He wanted to smash every building so he could eat whatever was in it. At the same time, he began to feel very crowded, claustrophobic. He lumbered as quickly as he could through the streets, trying to get out of the city.
A few police officers gathered and shot at him as people screamed. The sound of gunfire caused Matthew to freeze in fear. But the bullets bounced off of him. Matthew laughed–he was more powerful than he could have imagined.
He ran through the city, taking whole blocks in a stride. Soon, he was out toward the suburbs, could breathe more. He heard sirens rising, howling in the streets behind him. He wondered… had he stepped on anyone? He hadn’t really noticed. The people in the streets were like ants to him now.
As he strode out toward the countryside, he realized that he was now growing consistently. He reached for handfuls of trees, grass, whatever he could get his hands on, and tried to eat them. He was tempted to grab a whole cow. “Ping.” His hunger was gnawing through his entire body. He sat down to rest in a field and wondered what he might be able to do. There was no place big enough for him. The wide open earth would have to be his home.
As he continued to stretch onward and upward, he looked across the expanse of the country to the north, and saw that he was beginning to approach the size of the mountains nearby. The hunger was debilitating. His body cried out for things to eat and things to own to fill the empty space that kept growing more and more hollow within him. But he was beginning to see that nothing he could buy or own would ever fill that space. It would grow and grow, and he with it, until he swallowed the earth upon which he sat.
At that thought, he heard the voice of the wizened taxi driver saying, “You are making the world fit you.”
He heard his own voice responding. “I could have the world in the palm of my hand in the next year.”
The implication of his own words brought a stinging pain to his eyes. He gasped for air. For the first time since Matthew was a very little boy, he began to cry. He closed his eyes and put his head down and sobbed.
When he had said he wanted the world in his hand, this wasn’t what he meant. But every time he thought about his ambitions, he unwittingly made his hunger deeper and broader, so that it could never be satisfied. And now it never would be until he had destroyed the world. And what, then, would happen to his old college roommate, Brett? What would happen to his sister, Mindy? His parents? They would all be destroyed by him. Matthew had finally grown up, alright–and he had become a monster.
His brain began trying to reach beyond the hunger. “What if… what if,” he thought. “What if I didn’t make the world fit me? What if I tried to fit it instead? Maybe it’s not the growing up that’s the point. Maybe…”
He snuffled a bit, and straightened up. He took a deep breath, as deep as he could, and slowly opened his eyes.
He looked around at the sea of blue and white mortarboards around him, the heads of the other students in his high school class, as his sister Mindy finished her speech about their hopes and dreams, about their journey forward, to college or to trade school or to work, wherever their goals or foibles would lead them. Mindy returned to her seat next to her brother and smiled at him.
Matthew was shaken. He jumped, and looked around him. He wasn’t quite sure what had happened, but perhaps he wasn’t surprised when he happened to glance behind his sister and saw, among the crowd of parents, a wizened, apple-doll face that seemed familiar, that winked at him.
Matthew gathered himself, refocusing on his beaming sister as she continued to smile and asked him, “So, tell me again, brother dear: what do you want to be when you grow up?”