“I just bought two heads of iceberg lettuce on sale. What can you do with iceberg lettuce?”
This from a friend of mine, my own age, who remembers iceberg lettuce as the only extremely boring lettuce our parents used to get at the supermarket when we were kids. Yes, young ones, there was a day when there were not seven types of lettuce in the vegetable case, not to mention arugula, spring mix, and microgreens. Iceberg lettuce was it.
Well, it kept well. It was cheap. It was easy to break up in clumps and pour bottled dressing atop. These were the issues of the dinner table in my childhood.
I do remember loving it topped with Thousand Island bottled dressing. Yum. And my father’s wilted lettuce salad, served up on holidays. I still make that for myself. Fry a little chopped bacon, add to a warm bowl holding torn iceberg lettuce chunks and chopped green onion. In the bacon pan, still holding the bacon fat, add some vinegar, salt, ground pepper, and a little sugar. Heat. Pour as a dressing over the salad, toss, and serve instantly.
Double yum.
But the years have been kind to our ideas about food, or as my leftist revolutionary husband always says, “Everything is worse now except for food. Food is much better.” And while I wouldn’t necessarily agree with the first part of that sentence, I do agree that food in the U.S. has gotten incredible since I was a sprout. Sprouts, for example. No one ate them then but beatniks. I loved beatniks, being from San Francisco, so I was an early adopter.
As a matter of fact, as the years went on, and people in the know began to disdain iceberg lettuce as déclassé, lower class, fit only for mass-market steakhouses, I was an early adopter of welcoming it – nay, ushering it in with praise and trumpet calls – to my dinner table. And my lunch table. And sometimes my breakfast table.
This may have to do with my (partial) Chinese heritage. I noticed early on that the Chinese restaurants I loved never gave up on iceberg lettuce. They celebrated it. They flash sautéed it and mixed it in with stir-fried veggies. They used it in – my personal favorite application – fried rice.
Do you like fried rice? If you do, go for your favorite recipe. At the last minute, add a heap of shredded iceberg lettuce and chopped scallions. Stir. Serve. Heaven.
But back to my friend’s question. I hadn’t been so energized to answer a food question since the famous ‘there isn’t anything you can do with leftover cooked rice, is there?’ comment (for partial answer, see ‘fried rice’ above and below). So a tidal wave of icebergs (what a metaphor) came at him over the phone.
“You can wedge it, of course. Classic way. Served with chunky blue cheese sour cream dressing, or buttermilk dressing. You can tear it up and dress it with bacon fat heated with vinegar. You can shred it and put it underneath servings of stew. Of grilled chicken. Of baked pork chops. You can stir fry it with vegetables. With tofu. Either wilt it golden, or add it at the last minute for crunch.
“You can use it shredded as a bed for deviled eggs. You can mix it with chopped deviled eggs for a great egg salad. You can add it to Asian noodle soups. You can add it to Asian noodle dishes. You can add it to anything really. When it gets brown, you can chop it up and add it to your dog’s food.”
Iceberg lettuce is the greatest. And it lasts and lasts. I’d always get organic, myself, since I’m not clear on how far pesticides can travel into a head’s interior. But after that, go crazy.
And since I mentioned that favorite fried rice recipe, let me share it with you now. Amounts of ingredients depend a.) on what you have on hand and b.) what you like. So every time I make it, it’s a little bit different. Here’s one version:
- Fry some bacon pieces in a wide skillet, or melt some duck fat, or some butter and oil there.
- Add garlic slices, a little minced ginger, some raw sliced cabbage, a shredded carrot or whatever you like. Chopped celery is nice if you have it. Sauté.
- Add however much cooked rice you’ve got. Add a little sugar. A couple of twists of the peppermill. A little vinegar or lemon juice. A little fish sauce. Or soy sauce. Or both.
- Add a handful of frozen peas (no need to defrost)
- Heat thoroughly, browning the rice on the bottom a bit.
- Part in the middle. Crack an egg or two in the middle. Scramble the egg. Add some ground pepper to it.
- When the egg is done to your liking, mix it in with the rice. Mix the whole thing together.
- Announce lunch is ready.
- Add a heap of shredded iceberg lettuce, some chopped scallions, some minced cilantro.
- Give it a stir. Turn off the heat. Serve it forth.
A wonderful lunch. A bit of sriracha, or gochujang, or chile crisp on the table to accompany it does not go amiss. And if there’s any leftover, serve the next day atop a little more shredded iceberg lettuce wrapped in a whole wheat tortilla that’s been smeared with hoisin sauce and scattered minced green onion.
That’s great, too. But it’s the iceberg lettuce that really makes it. Trust me on this one.
Iceberg lettuce is your friend.
