Dear Wendy
I thought I was doing everything right. I am a very good girl you know and I wanted to stay a good girl. So I clicked my heels together three times and called out “There’s No Place Like Home.” But now, I’m not so sure. The truth is, I miss Oz and there seems to be no way out of Kansas.
Oh, we have lots of tornadoes. Even more than when I was a child. Global warming, I’m told. But they only destroy, they don’t transport.
Other things too. My children are discouraged from studying certain subjects in school, like evolution. Abortion rights are eroding. There has been a child murderer loose in the nearby town. It turns out he was a deacon in the church. We lost the family farm due to an unscrupulous finance company. There’s a mini mall there now. And, Dear Wendy, my son is being manipulated to join a religiously motivated army to fight for our so- called freedom. I’m not free. I don’t think any of us in Kansas are free these days. My son will be trained to kill people or be killed or maimed himself for complete nonsense. A sad excuse for heroism, if you ask me.
So I would like to return to Oz. For courage, for love, for wisdom. I want to unmask the despot and find the good man. Those things we discovered over the rainbow all those years ago are in such short supply here. Maybe I could find them again and bring them back?
Do you ever long for Neverland? Was the Emerald city just a dream? Did the wicked witch really die or did she just end up as president of the school board? Please advise.
From your sister in celestial travel,
Dorothy
Dear Dorothy
Girlfriend! You need to immediately join our Fictional Characters for Real World Social Change support group. We are a committed bunch dedicated to waking up the so-called Real People who are busy messing up the Real World.
None of us can do this alone. I personally think a fact finding mission back to Oz would be helpful, as long as you come back with something (a magic thingamabob, or, even better, a new idea) to help us out here. No bailing! Things have gotten too serious. Bring the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow back, too, if you can find them.
What’s our interest, us fictional characters? Well, Dorothy, consider: if there are no kids left once the present administration gets done murdering the environment and killing off what it quaintly calls the “underclass,” there won’t be any more kids to read about us. Not one! And already, the bastards are shutting down our libraries, saying they’re not really necessary in the modern age. Not necessary! Oh yeah! Like Dick Cheney’s heart medicine is not necessary. Let’s stop that, instead, what do you say?
As for whether I miss Neverland…there’s far too much going on here for me to even give it a thought. And anyway, mostly what Peter Pan wanted me for was housekeeping.
Yours in intense solidarity,
Ask Wendy
PS A Report from Oz would be just the thing, Dorothy, if you feel you can write it. I’ll get on the EAP editor’s case about covering any expenses. You’re going to need a new pair of shoes, for starters.
(got a question for Ask Wendy? need advice? busy as she is chairing the Fictional Characters for Real World Social Change support group and writing her Manifesto for the New American Century, she’s never too busy to reach out and butt into someone else’s life. email her at askwendy@exterminatingangel.com)