Dear Readers,
Ask Wendy is been deep in her cavern writing her Manifesto for the New American Century, when she hears that the theme for this month’s EAP is “Letter to an Intelligent Teenager.” On querying the editor, Ask Wendy finds that “Intelligent Teenager” means Teens of all ages. As Ask Wendy is on the far side of a hundred years old, pretty much all of you look like teenagers to her. So this is for all of you. Ask Wendy’s advice:
Wake up, dear readers. Wake up.
Ask Wendy has lived through a lot of stuff, gentle readers. She was twelve years old at the start of the last century, and let me tell you, that century was a doozy. So she is equipped to give you some really good insights, whether you want to hear them or not.
Ask Wendy would like to point out that in her lifetime, the manipulation of the populace for profit — i.e. people screwing you around so they can make ever bigger bucks — has reached dizzying heights to which the brainless ruling classes of her youth never even aspired.
That’s right, Young Uns. Ask Wendy is here to tell you that if there is one thing she has watched develop, it is the perfection of the technique for turning each and every one of you into credit card using, antidepressant filled, media swallowing robots. For the people presently running things, a nation of mindless shopaholic Zombies would be the ideal.
Here Ask Wendy is going to take a trip down memory lane. The kind of manipulation that went on when Ask Wendy was a slip of a girl was stuff that would seem pretty tame to you all now. There was the manipulation that said that all the boys Ask Wendy’s age were fighting The Great War on behalf of Peace and Justice. Both sides got told that. That fight for Peace and Justice was one big killing field. For years. In the mud. You don’t even want to know how many teenagers went down in that ridiculous war. (Eight million, but who’s counting?)
Why is Ask Wendy resurrecting all this ancient history, you ask? And why should we care?
Ask Wendy thinks you guys are in bigger trouble than her lot ever was. That’s right. You Young Ones now are manipulated and brainwashed and sold to and lured into acts that benefit no one close to you in an awe inspiringly big way. If Ask Wendy was an alien come from another universe, she would be very complimentary to the guys who have managed to herd you into lives where you a.) work like dogs in order to buy lots of stupid stuff that you don’t want and b.) fight tooth and nail with others to grab some scraps, when in reality the whole enchilada should belong to all of you — if you could only get your act together enough to work out a decent way to share.
These guys have actually figured out a way to get you to enslave yourselves. Very clever, that. Not so good for you lot, though.
This has been going for pretty near a hundred years. Meanwhile, the people selling you this bill of goods think smugly to themselves how dumb you are, how all they have to do is promise that one among millions of you will be a STAR…and that will shut you up. And while you’re shut up, you’ll buy lots of stuff that you hope will give you an edge on the other guy.
Ask Wendy feels for you, kids, she really does. This is not a happy situation. Are you in debt to your credit cards? Do you have to buy everything new? Are you anxious because you’re not famous? Do you identify with the lies that your government tells you to get your cooperation? Do you believe everything you’re told?
Ask Wendy wants you to know that there is hope. You don’t have to live like this. And here are a few simple suggestions with that in mind.
1.) Stop buying things. Just stop. Oh, not necessities like basic food and basic clothing. But just stop buying crap, okay? Think before you buy. Buy used stuff. Trade stuff instead of buying. Never buy a new car. Do you know how much they depreciate the minute you get them off the lot?
2.) NEVER EVER KEEP A BALANCE ON YOUR CREDIT CARDS. Never spend more in a month than you can pay off at the end of it. Have you looked at the interest rate you’re paying on the balance? Never pay that interest. You’ll stay out of debt, and you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing you’re driving the credit card companies absolutely mad.
3.) Do not believe everything you hear. When your government or the media tells you something, ask: who benefits if I act as if this is true? If it’s not you, think about why, and why they’re trying to get you to buy it. Then talk over what’s really true with your friends. You’ll be amazed at how powerful this is.
4.) Stop thinking, even secretly, that you are better than everyone else and someday the world will know, etc. This is a major scam, meant to keep you from having good communication with people around you, and meant to stop you from getting together and figuring out what’s good for everyone. I don’t need to remind you who this benefits (see point #3.)
One last point. Ask Wendy is not really big on politics, being more of a literary type. But even she can see that all this hanky panky in Iraq is about building permanent US military bases so that the US and its allies can control the world’s oil supply. This, my dears, is what is known as imperialism. Ask Wendy’s own dear England tried this one in the nineteenth century, when Ask Wendy was born, under the pretense of bringing civilization to the natives…not unlike the American strategy of bringing peace and democracy, by ultimate force if necessary, to all oil-producing nations of the world. Ask Wendy’s own England discovered that this did not necessarily work according to plan (see above: eight million kids dead in the First World War alone…and what about the Second?) Ask Wendy feels (though who’s asking her?) that this one won’t go according to plan either.
Now Ask Wendy has nothing against the Imperial Project muscling in and attempting to control the world’s oil…no matter how unlikely a successful outcome. What Ask Wendy is annoyed about is how there’s no discussion. No one says, “If we want to keep the car engine running while we dash into the grocery store, then we’re going to have to kill a few hundred thousand civilians in another country.” This is why Ask Wendy objects. Ask Wendy doesn’t mind what horrible things you do. What Ask Wendy thinks leads to real trouble is not knowing what they are. Being asleep. Acting like Zombies.
Ask Wendy feels strongly that we should all wake up, dear readers.
So if Ask Wendy was asked (and she wasn’t, but she doesn’t care) what advice she has to give a Young Person of whatever age, in this, the bloody 21st Century, she would say:
Wake up. Don’t be a Zombie. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
Before it’s too late, for pity’s sake, wake up.
Sincerely yours,
Ask Wendy