by David Budbill
I come out here every day the weather's good.
I got to be around some people. Not that these days people
are all that great to be around, but somethin's better 'an nothin',
don't you think? I mean, we're a herding animal, don't you think?
I can't stand that one room, day after day, day in and day out.
It's a nice room, and I keep it nice. It's clean and I keep myself
clean too. You got to. You got to bathe, take a shower, shave
and brush your teeth, be disciplined, and you got to eat.
You got to keep yourself lookin' good even if it's not for anybody.
You can't let yourself go to pot. I'm not going to be one of those
old guys who smells like pee. That's why I get cleaned up and
put on a clean shirt and come out here every day. You got to.
It's one room and only me. You can't live that way day in, day out,
day after day. You got to be around some people.
Which is why I come out here every day,
every day the weather's good. I like people.
I didn't always live in just one room. Helen and I had a nice place,
but I got kicked out of there because they said the apartment was too
big for just one person. I got relocated. It's just a couple blocks away
from where we used to be. Relocated. Huh. Aw, it's okay. It's big enough for me.
You come in, the bathroom's on the right, closet on the left, then right
away, when you get into the room the kitchen's over
in the corner . . . to your right, then, you know, at the other end,
the window looks out onto the street.
It's okay. I like it. I can't complain. I got it better than alotta folks.
At least I got a roof over my head and somethin' in my belly.
That's a damn sight more than a lot of people got these days,
I'm lucky and I know it. But you can't live that way, alone all day,
day in, day out, day after day.
Aw Jesus! it gets lonely!
Nothin' to do. Nobody to talk to, nobody to be with.
I go a little crazy, you know? We weren't built to live that way.
We were meant to go two by two. We weren't meant to spend
our lives alone in just one room.
I don't even watch the damn TV.
It's worse than nothing. I just sit at the window and I watch.
On good days, I come out here.
I'd like to talk to somebody,
but I don't want to force myself on someone.
I'm afraid they're gonna tell me to get lost. All I'd like to do is talk.
I get so lonely! Or maybe we could go over to Matia's and get a coffee,
you know, sit in there and talk. But I'm afraid I'll get rejected.
Well, I'm out here now. At least that's somethin'. Maybe someday
I'll get up my courage and I'll say something to someone.
I got my hope, my hope for that. At least that's somethin'.
Like I said, I'm lucky and I know it, but . . . Jesus! It gets lonely!