by Brendan Greenberg
Hi! My name is Brendan and I have a very exciting life. Anyway, let's get to it. My parents went out to an art show and I had to stay with this dorky babysitter. She was so annoying. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It was my babysitter. She stomped through the door. "Hi, Sweet Pea." Am I cuckoo or did she just call me Sweet Pea? I hate it when people call me Sweet Pea. So I felt like smoke was coming out of my ears! The next thing that happened was that I turned on the t.v. by accident. When I turned it on it was "Barney," my favorite t.v. show at that time. Then she turned it off and went into my room and closed the door. Then I took out some of the candy that I had hidden the day before. They were chewy Lifesavers. Suddenly the door opened. It was my nosy babysitter. Who else could it be? "What in the world of my smelly socks are you doing?" "Well, what in the world of your smelly socks are you doing nosing around in other people's business?" As you can see…my babysitter and me were not getting along so well. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking," she asked. "I'm thinking we're not getting along so well." "Me too," I said. Then we had dinner. Dinner was spaghetti and meatballs. My babysitter did not think that I needed sleep, so I did not sleep that night. That's when it happened. "May I please have some milk?" I asked. "Yes, you may," she said. Then she got the milk and accidentally dropped it. CRASH! BANG! "OOOOOH!" screamed my babysitter. "My milk!" I shrieked. Then she went back into the kitchen and I patiently waited for my babysitter to get the milk. Finally she came. Then she gave the milk to me. I took a sip. Suddenly, I could not breathe! And my babysitter let out a scream. I felt like 10,000,000 Shaq's were sitting on me! Suddenly the door opened at just the right time. It was my sister. "Oh my!" she exclaimed. "What's going on?" "I do not know but we have got to do something about it and fast!" my babysitter said. She sounded very scared. My sister knew what to do but she was scared to do it. Suddenly she lunged for my babysitter's pocket as if her life depended on it! But my life depended on it! I'm not sure if you know, but I'm allergic to milk and the thingymabobber that was in her pocket is called an Epipen. That's used to save my life. So, let's get back to the story of how my sister saved my life. My sister had gotten the Epipen out. She had seen other people do it before, but she had never done it before. She had to read the directions…and fast! Very fast! The directions said: Take directly to the hospital after using this." And it had a picture of how you use it. She did what it said. She took off the cap and plunged it into my knee. Meanwhile, I felt hot — very hot. But suddenly I started jumping like my favorite jellybean. Then we called the doctor and the doctor said, "Poo! Medicine could have helped better!" Then my sister called my mom on her cell phone and then my dad answered. "What's happening?" he asked. This is the part I came here for…THE GRAND FINALE! "I'll be home in a second," he explained. "Tell me what's so important when I get home. I can't miss this!" And then, he hung up. "Woo!" my sister exclaimed. "He doesn't want to hear or see anything but the grand finale!"
Every story has a beginning, a middle and an ending. This is the ending of my story. Suddenly, the doorbell rang. It was an old lady. She said she was trying to sleep and we were making a racket. We slammed the door on the woman. Then we kept on jumping and celebrating. A few minutes later, my mom and dad came home. When they came home I was still jumping around! "What was so important that you had to call us?" my dad asked. "He drank milk and I walked in at just the right time," she said proudly. "I'm very proud of you," he said. "But as for you, miss, you're fired!"
(to read Rudy Wurlitzer's introduction to PSYCHO SITTER click here…)