Hail good maid —
I send my tidings to commend thee on the arduous task thou hast assumed, and to lend my potency to thy cause. Although I myself am not one of thy fanciful kinfolk from the realm of fiction, I feel an affinity for thy kind. In truth, many who dwell in the mortal lands now regard me as merely a figment of fiction, rather than the pious man of flesh and blood who once walked the green fields of earth. I know also, my lass, that thou art born of the fair green land once called Albion, and are not a member of the One True Church. I shall not hold this against thee, for said tabernacle hath wronged me gravely some years hence. A pox on their Vatican II. The very idea that they wouldst question my validity. I've not seen the learned pontiffs of eternal Roma questioning the history of that Hibernian wench Brigid. A comely woman, but a pagan fire goddess if I've ever seen one. And let this humble giant state that it was but my feast day that was removed from the universal calendar of saints. I still sit among my hallowed brethren in Paradise (although that woman from Syracuse with her eyes sitting on a plate is a bit much for even a mighty constitution such as mine to have to look at after a millennium).
I merely wish to let thee know that thou may avail thyself of my strength, shouldst thou need it. Thou shall find I am not one to complain. When I agreed to protect the travelers of the world, I thought I wouldst only have to deal with steeds, chariots and vessels of the sea. While I was not prepared the horseless chariot or the iron ship that sails as a bird, I've shouldered my burden with nary a protest.
I can't let a mere slip of a girl take on such a heavy burden. I helped that other wee lad across the river and got my head cut off in return, but I think you're worth the risk.
With regards
Reprobus, known to men as Christopher, martyr
Dear Chris,
Now this is what you call a gray area. You, as St. Christopher, are not exactly what I had in mind when I formed the Fictional Characters for Real Life Social Change Working Group. And your letter raises all sorts of interesting questions. Who is a fictional character, after all? Somebody like Little Nell is obvious, but what about the Narrator in Proust? And then there's Britney Spears. A fictional character if ever there was one. In other words, you've given me a lot to think about.
And what I think is this: Ask Wendy Celebrates Diversity. There is no strength in homogenization. Monoculture is for the birds. Go wide! So not only do I welcome you and your manly presence, Chris, but I honor your courage in stepping outside of your own comfort zone. Also, I admire the fact that you know who you are, even if the Catholic Church is a little confused about it. We need people (saints? folk heroes? legends? oh, the hell with it) like you to get this planet back on the right track. So welcome! We're thrilled you've joined us! And in honor of this shift in the FCFRLSCWG, I hereby formally request that you chair our next meeting, which will be held on the Solstice. Details to follow by blind copy email.
(By the way, at the next meeting, I recommend you sit next to Foghorn Leghorn. He's a blast. A Southern Baptist, sure, but I still think you guys have a lot in common.)
In solidarity,
Ask Wendy
ps if you see Saint Brigid around the halls of Paradise, invite her, too. We could really use her expertise to broaden our base.
(got a question? need advice? do you know or are you a fictional character, saint, angel, demi god/goddess, or similar who wants to work for Real Life Social Change? email ask wendy today.)