Dearest Wendy-
I am hoping that you might help me, as I know you are very well connected in the world of fictional characters. I am in need of a detective to help clear my name of allegations that have stained my reputation for many a year.
Some time ago, I was wrongfully charged with a theft. This would not have been such a dire occurrence if the whole business had not been immortalized in a children’s rhyme. As a result, not only has my name suffered, but that of my beloved people.
First off there’s the matter of the charges. I was accused of sneaking into a home and stealing a piece of beef. Wendy, I’ve always been what the mortals now call a vegetarian. What would I want with some old beef? This prompted my accuser to invade my own home without so much as a search warrant. And furthermore, I was then alleged to have returned to the scene of the crime to steal a marrow bone. My dear girl, I don’t own a dog, can’t abide them. What would I want with a bone?
I wouldn’t have such a problem with this whole rotten business if it weren’t such a blot on the character of my kinsmen. I mean, after all, just listen to the first lines of that ridiculous rhyme—
Taffy was a Welshman
Taffy was a thief
You’d think the two terms were interchangeable. So, Wendy, I ask you, have you a detective friend who might help me out to find the true culprit? Hercule Poirot? Batman? Colombo? Monsieur De Masi? Harriet? I know the last was a spy, but she had a way of unearthing information. I throw myself on your tender mercy.
Respectfully–
Dafydd (known by racial profilers as Taffy)
Dear Dafydd,
You’ve come to the right place. As a matter of fact, when I was having drinks with Lord Peter Wimsey and dear Harriet Vane the other night, they mentioned that a dear, dear friend, whose powers of deduction are unparalleled, has been out of work for more than four decades. And this is simply because of age discrimination. Well, that’s what I think, though Pete and Harry thought it might have something to do with a prejudice against detection in the human world by other forms of life.
In any case, I’ve referred your very interesting problem on to my dear friend Mr. Peabody. He and his Boy Sherman will be contacting you very soon, after they get back from their camping trip with their very good friend, Old Yeller.
Let me know how it all turns out.
Yours,
Ask Wendy