by Dan Osterman
“They’re sucking the blood out of the genius out of generosity.”
-Dylan
“Are you a paid fundraiser or solicitor?”
“No sir, I do this out of the kindness of my heart. I’m 54, naïve as hell and hoping you are too.”
“Well, all right then! Where do I send my money?”
And what do I get out of it? Minimum wage, health insurance that eats up half my salary and a little extra for credit card pledges.
“Knock! Knock!”
“Who’s there?”
“Fundraiser.”
“Fundraiser who?”
“Fundraiser die!”
Yeah, I’m a fine example. I never give a penny to nobody except the subway musicians anymore, but here I am again asking for yours. Sometimes you’ll come across people on the phone who’ve seen these outfits in action and have real aversions to ever helping again, so it’ll help if you do your homework on these subjects.
“Why, they were just throwing away resources, and there was no accountability.” Others praise: “I know that you people do great work!” As the caller you don’t always know what to believe, except what you bring to the struggle. A lot of people at a job like this may enter with idealism but end up cynical as a stick. For others, it’s just personal political action by another means.
“And how much that you raise goes to the actual work?” by that Mrs. Smith means “how much do they tell you?” is in administrative (your job) and how much gets to the cause you’re raising for? Maybe it’s written down somewhere that 13% goes for fundraising and such-and such, and so on through the rest of the pie-chart, but in the end an organization is only as good as its reputation and its most recent contribution. Money can be shifted around and classified under any heading. Www.charitynavigator.com won’t know about any of that. The proof is in the pudding. How much are the salaries, how many salaries are there and are they in the news and are they doing any good?
A lot of our clients provide us with a “script” that may or may not have anything to do with reality. These pre-planned conversations can be three pages long with a lot of platitudes about what they’re against. Maybe the client or the call-center back office has not tweaked the script sufficiently from month to month. But even a stone will give you money if you have a “hook”. A “hook” is a reason to give, what your money will specifically go to fund. If your prospect is a regular contributor he/she might/might not know about the client’s latest activities as far as petitions and website public actions, lobbying concerns or service needs in foreign countries, and it will sometimes happen that the guy writing the script is not in the loop either. It’s part of the job to be up on what’s happening and you don’t get paid for that. So, if you want to make some money and sound intelligent you might want to stay as informed as possible because the story on the ground is constantly shifting.
Even when they’ve been called and called for countless charities and they’re ready to hang up on you, many people still want desperately to say “Yes!” when you make your pitch that wildlife and civil liberties need protecting (although maybe not on the same call) and they want to give till it hurts but only one thing holds them back. They can smell it if you’re not engaged. This is where you’ll lose people on the phone every time and serve you right you lazy bum. Unless you’re the type of caller who goes on-line or reads the paper and does some homework on Habitat for Humanity, American Friends Service Committee, American Civil Liberties, Unitarian Universalist Service Committee, NARAL or Planned Parenthood, more often than not you ain’t going nowhere. It’s best to have done some real thinking. On the other side, too much knowledge and not enough love will not work either. It’s not about fake enthusiasm. It’s a little partnership you are setting up for a better society and all you’ve got is your personality and no more than 10 seconds in which your prospect will decide to hang up on you or listen to what you have to say. It’s a fine art, like reading a poem on the phone, a breath placed here and a line break there – just so, into the ether. Sycopation and performance and sincerity and urgency. Will it work? Only if you give me your credit card number, sir!
Of course the whole idea of a “pledge” is a little out of whack in the first place. You are making the pledge but we are doing our damndest to keep you to the immediate agreement. Not only that, we set the ground rules. Sometimes we are calling you for a “special appeal”, sometimes with a matching grant from George Soros or that oil well up in New York State that is so productive for the Unitarian-Universalists. Will that be paper or plastic? Can you give three times what you helped with in the past? No? Can you get a check back in time for my wife’s birthday in 30 days, so I can take her to dinner?
The compassion quotient goes up or down with the political winds. What’s happening in the news and the political fortunes on any given day for any particular cause will determine your effectiveness in getting pledges. But so will the position of your star-chart and what quarter the moon is in. What matters is how you engage the man or woman on the other end. Assume they know less than you, but approach them as if they know more. If they don’t know what’s happening they aren’t going to give unless you inform them, and maybe not even then. That’s when you’ve got to bear down. Chances are they will give again if they gave once, even if it was in 2001. On the other hand, you will have thoughtful discussions with people who know all the issues and are totally conversant on why they should give but can’t or can give but won’t or will give but not today because their estate sale hasn’t gone through. These are the hardcore who will talk your ear off, so watch out. If you don’t ask three times what they gave in the past, they’ll wonder why you’re calling. Like today: the lady I had on the phone is already giving $20 a month to the Dem. Nat’l Comm) outlet and $110 to us DCCC (Dem. Party fundraising organ for the House) in October, but she’s just sitting by the phone waiting for me to call her:
“How many days till Bush is out of office?”
“Ahhh, let’s see, 23 months –”
“I’ll give you $230 more.”
You can learn a lot from these people on the issues, but any time wasted will have to be made up somewhere else. Your fundraising skills are only as good as the last contact you’ve been able to renew at a higher level than last time, AND on a credit card.
Mrs. Smith in Knoxville, TN is a yellow-dog Democrat; there is no politics for her other than Democratic politics. She’s 101 and still going strong though her voice sounds like it’s coming through a straw. She tells me she’s got framed, signed photos from Howard Dean and Nancy Pelosi on her mantelpiece and she wants Al Gore to run, because she likes his beady little eyes. She’s already giving monthly to Hillary and Barack for the next two years, unless of course Al decides. She’s circling my request for funds to get more progressive Dems into the House. That’s when I reach for my revolver. Barack is for immediate withdrawal, Hillary wants to keep ‘em in a while longer, yeah, yeah, what else is new. Meanwhile the action is on the House floor where the mice are slowly forming a consensus around the cheese in question. I go in for the kill.
“I know you remember the words of FDR when he said ‘early money wins elections’. That’s especially true today, ma’am. Send your money to the candidates if you want, but keep a little aside for the organization on the ground for our 50-state strategy. We took out millions in loans last October to get our candidates over the top and we’re not going to let a little fractiousness at the family picnic get in the way of putting together an even bigger majority next year in the House. After the non-binding resolutions come the binding resolutions and after that we call the Republicans bluff and stop the funding. When all the dust settles and everyone’s had their say, we’re still going to depend on our volunteers to go door-to-door to get out the vote and we’re going to need to organize to do that and it takes money…” and you wear them down by sheer enthusiasm. But I’m making it all up. I haven’t got a clue what the strategy is.
In West Wing Marlee Matlin’s role as the deaf mute political consultant was a stroke of genius. She knew all the numbers of all the polling done on any subject but could only give them to you through a third party, her translator assistant, Bob. She could tell you if they could be used to your advantage, interpreted, cooked or manipulated but she herself had no vision, no voice and no opinion. “Not my job”, was her running joke.
I know this is a confidence game. I gain your confidence and you give me your money. If I mumble, stumble or mess up my performance, it is subtly written in our telephone code of etiquette that you will hang up because I did not live up to my part of the bargain to confidently inform and entertain you. There are days I will not get any help from anyone. Here then, are my Top Ten versions of “No”:
“My living room is on fire, I have to go.”
“I hate it when you do that. How dare you ask me how I am? You only want my money!”
“I want federal funding of elections.”
“I’m cooking dinner/sitting down to eat, can you call another time?”
“I wouldn’t talk to you for anything cause you cost us taxpayers more than anybody.”
“I’m an AP editorial writer and I’ve recently had to sign an extremely restrictive policy and I can’t give to any political organization for, like, twenty years.”
“I’ve given up on the human race. I only give to the wildlife.”
“Wait! I’ve got to take my hearing aid out!”
“I’m up on a ladder painting the ceiling.”
“Why do you always call during sex?”
Warren Rudman and Paul Tsongas warned us long ago that politics was becoming a big money game. Republicans always out fund Dems five to one. Just because that’s the myth doesn’t mean it’s not true and they buy some real expensive mud. Dick Cheney’s snarl is as big a draw as Bill Clinton’s lip-bite at the $40,000 a plate dinners. It seems to me the two major parties decided some time ago to defund services and resources for the American citizen and decided to let the non-profits pick up the slack in lobbying and in thinking straight, if there’s going to be a campaign donation in it for them.
I have been rereading “The Gift” by Lewis Hyde”, in cogitation on this subject of giving and receiving. First published in 1979, this book is a creative analysis of the commodity and the gift and the difference between the two in society and particularly in the creative mind and the creative act. What has “worth” and what has “value”? “A commodity has value and a gift has not. A gift has worth.” “We do not deal in commodities when we wish to initiate ties of affection.” It wouldn’t be right to say that money is the root of all evil, but you could say that money drives out worth.
Generosity: genus, gift, genius, jin. Procreation at the root: genere, to beget, produce (old latin). Generations are consequence: gens, clans. Virtue’s root word is sex, viraman; virility is its action. Virtue and gift move through a person to become a procreative or healing power. The Wise Buddha appears in India’s Jataka Tales as Hare and he sees a chance to offer himself as food to a deserving human, by “throwing his whole body into the jaws of his generosity.” Interesting.
The value of your first gift is brought into question when the lawyers and the accountants in the back office decide to let you stay on the call-list after you wanted off. After you’ve been dunned a month or less after you’ve given your yearly membership or renewal of support, it’s only human that you question the value of your first gift. When you get those mailers 4 times a week with the return envelope that already has a stamp on it, you have to wonder why you ever gave in the first place if they’re willing to waste all those stamps and paper. It isn’t the amount of money, it is the constant desire for money that creates such ambivalence in the minds of donors.
It’s too late anyway. The world is going to pot. Of course it is, everyone knows that. It’s always too late. That’s when you get enthusiastic.