Good Orderly Direction
by Mat Capper
‘God is a concept by which we measure our pain’.
I was born on March 15th 1974, the ides of March. This combined with the fact that I've got different coloured eyes are signs of the devil. Well this is what I was told by my hippy auntie who had taken far too much LSD in the 60’s. This was fairly difficult for me to understand as an eight year old child. I spent many a night pondering if I was indeed possessed by the dark force, then if I was should I turn my life over to a god in the hope of being saved.
My idol during these early years was my nana, Nelly. She was a deeply religious woman who was given 6 months to live when I was born but managed to survive for eleven years. She thanked god every day for giving her the will to go on. She attended church and regularly spoke to a priest. She re-enforced the idea in me, that there must be a god, because when all medical science had given up hope something must have taken the reins.
I spent my teenage searching for something. I attended the local Catholic and Christian Science churches. Being brought up in a strict anti-religion household meant that I rebelled by searching for God. The whole time I searched I felt this burning inner conviction that I didn’t believe any of it. Parishioners I came across all seemed a little needy and lost. I knew that I needed to come out of the religious closet, but I felt my hands were tied, by the school’s teachings of the Bible and the fact that I didn’t want to turn into what my auntie had already seen signs of.
During my teens I discovered and worshiped the God of intoxicants. There was the venerable Reverend, Lysergic Acid, who taught me that time doesn’t exist and squirrels do indeed talk in whispers. I quickly got bored of questioning whether the moon landings did happen and debating whether Jim Morrison was a sage or drunkard. Then I met Father MDMA who showed me the way, and the way was love. Until I discovered that particular type of love was only temporary and I detested the part where I had to sit with twenty or so sweating madman talking nonsense.
I entered a period of total abstinence from all substances and decided to begin a quest for enlightenment.
Around this time I made a radio piece on Psalm 102, which to my surprise won a religious award presented by the Archbishop of Canterbury in Lambeth Palace. I collected the award with the head of Radio Merseyside and the Bishop of Liverpool, a strange experience. I knew I should have been excited but something didn’t feel right, kind of like knowing I was gay and going on a date with Marilyn Monroe. A week later a friend of mine was found dead having choked on his own vomit. These two events lead me to coming out of the religious closet and announcing I was in fact an atheist. At first I thought I’d be better off being agnostic, but the indecision literally used to kill me.
Richard Dawkins (who I find a tad fundamental, even as an Atheist) uses a sliding scale to highlight the spectrum of belief. It has seven milestones:
1. Strong theist. 100% likelihood of God. ‘I don’t think, I know’ (C.Jung).
2. Very probable. ‘I live my life on the assumption there is a God’.
3. Higher than 50%. Technically agnostic but lean towards belief.
4. Exactly 50%. ‘God’s existence and non-existence are exactly probable’.
5. Technically Agnostic but leans towards Atheism. ‘I don’t know whether God exists but I am sceptical’.
6. Very low probability. De Facto Atheist. ‘I cannot know for certain but I live my life on the assumption it doesn’t exist’.
7. Strong Atheist. ‘I know there is no God in the same way ‘Jung’ knows there is one’.
Like Dawkins I would place myself in category 6. The interesting thing is that I doubt anyone would say they are in category 7, yet there are hundreds of thousands of people who would put themselves in category 1. What is the difference?
People often claim to be ‘chosen’ by God to do some sort of work on his behalf or to preach the ‘word’. I truly have no idea what this means. If he/she/it does choose certain people, then I wonder what the selection criteria is and who makes up the panel and why so many of God’s servants turn out to be abusers, bigots and fascists.
Don’t get me wrong, some religious men and women are literally icons of good living. Our local priest, Father Peter, is someone who lives a spiritual way of life in the true sense. He never refuses any help to anyone, he has opened his house to asylum seekers, rape victims and children living on the streets. But does he do this because of ‘God’ or because he is a decent human being?
I find it strange that there aren’t any strong Atheist movements, yet all religious groups tend to have strong lobbies. Recently in the UK the Catholic Church had a profound influence on the issue of Gay couples adopting children. How can this be so, especially in a modern society? To me this is as ludicrous as enforcing that every issue should be solved by the roll of a dice (a la ‘Dice Man’). After all, that and the Bible are both books, written by human beings. Imagine rolling a three and saying to Israel, ‘right get out of Palestine, the dice has spoken’; this is perhaps a better solution than the murder and illegal occupation occurring today as a direct result of opposing religious beliefs.
So what’s the reason that we Atheists don’t have lobbies? Dawkins describes Atheists as ‘strong, free thinking non judgmental people who always question authority’. This sounds about right. We don’t have any pre-conceived ideas about anything based on the teachings of ludicrous and fundamentally flawed religious ideas. It’s obvious that as soon as people take on board a set of pre-conceived beliefs as fact, they immediately dismiss any other teachings or ideas. It is often the case that an individual with delusional ideas is held up as mentally ill, yet a group of people with delusional ideas are called a religious movement. This is why we have many of the terrible problems across the world. The idea that our leaders are Christians should cause outrage and panic rather than confidence.
A supposed foolproof argument in support of God is often lobbed at me. People state that if I was passenger on a plane that was about to crash I would consider praying ‘just in case’ and this philosophy should be applied to every day living. I hope that I’d never be in this situation but if I was I’d like to think I’d look out of the window, enjoy the view and think of everyone who I love. I can see how beautiful my garden is, without having to believe that fairies inhabit the apple tree (not that I have an apple tree, but I am considering planting one).
People will openly tell me that my life must have less substance than theirs because I do not have a God. This may well be the case. But I have an enormous amount of faith that isn’t dependent on a book or worshipping an idol. I can stand united in faith and hope with my fellow religious men and women regardless of their particular religion. In fact I would say that I have more freedom because I don’t believe in god and I don’t subscribe to any belief system. I can speak freely with my Muslim, Catholic, and Buddhist brothers without prejudice of their beliefs. I can see that religious bigotry is an extremely dangerous thing in the hands of terrorists like George Bush who invaded Iraq believing he was doing God’s will. People in Liverpool are sectioned for far less.
So people everywhere stop searching for answers and take the time to look within, and to my Atheist brothers and sisters spread the word, the word is love. We are surrounded by icons and idols; we don’t need to find answers or faith from beliefs created by fantasy. If it’s comfort that you need, then take comfort from this very moment, look out the window, breathe in the air, smile at strangers. Everything we need is ironically in the Cappered version of the serenity prayer.
I need the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference….