by Carolyn Myers
INNER PEACE
THE MEDITATION STUDENTS ENTER AND SIT IN AN ARC FACING THE AUDIENCE. THEY ARE VERY STILL AND VERY SERIOUS. THEY ARE THE MOST ADVANCED. THE TEACHER FLOATS TO THE MIDDLE OF THE ARC, AND PLACES A BIG BOUQUET OF FLOWERS WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE THEM.
TEACHER: (ADDRESSES HER STUDENTS, INCLUDING THE AUDIENCE) Today all the world is crying for peace. We who have gathered tonight, are the special ones who will bring about peace on earth. Yes! In just one minute it will be done! I will place the bouquet of flowers here, and we will meditate on sending the vibrations of the beauty of the flowers and the peace which fills our minds and hearts to the rest of the suffering planet. Now, (HITS A CHIME) begin! (THERE IS AN ENTIRE MINUTE OF SILENCE — WELL, OK, MAYBE THIRTY SECONDS; WITH BEAUTIFUL MEDITATION MUSIC AND SHIFTING LIGHTS. AT THE END TEACHER RINGS THE CHIME AGAIN) Yes, you see how easy? (PICKS UP FLOWERS) We have done it—we have sent our inner peaceful vibra—
TECHIE: Freeze scene! (THE TEACHER AND THE MEDITATORS FREEZE. THE TECHIE ENTERS; CARRYING A BIG BUNCH OF SMALL SPEAKERS ATTACHED TO HEADBANDS) We’re going to take it again. (THE TEACHER AND THE MEDITATORS ARE FROZEN, THEY DON”T HEAR. THE TECHIE ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE) To help you novices, we’re adding speakers to the heads of the advanced practitioners , which will broadcast each participant’s thoughts. You can just follow along, using their mantras and vibrations as a guideline. (ADDRESSES OFFSTAGE LIGHTING /SOUND PERSON) OK? Go! (TEACHER AND MEDITATORS UNFREEZE)
TEACHER: —vibrations of peace from our hearts and minds to the rest of the suffering planet. Now, (chime) begin!
(THE TECHIE POINTS A SMALL REMOTE AT EACH MEDITATOR, AS THE HEADSET LIGHTS UP, THE AUDIENCE CAN HEAR THAT PERSON’S THOUGHTS)
1. This position is so uncomfortable.
2. Breasts. Wait, what? Peace?
3. Darlene’s such a bitch.
4. Butter Rum life savers
5. I might as well kill myself.
(THE TECHIE SMILES, GIVES A “THUMBS UP” TO THE OFFSTAGE LIGHTING AND SOUND PERSON AND LEAVES. THE MEDITATORS MAINTAIN THEIR CALM, SILENT POSES; THEY SMILE BEATIFICALLY. THEY BREATHE DEEPLY, THEIR EYES ARE HALF LIDDED. THEY ARE PERFECT MEDITATORS, THE ELITE. EACH TIME A HEADSET LIGHTS UP WE HEAR THAT MEDITATOR’S THOUGHTS )
1. My knee really hurts. Maybe if I move my ankle a tiny bit, it will relieve my knee.
2. Peace. Peace. I’d like a piece of that one there. Breast. (SINGS THE SNAKE CHARMER TUNE) Breast neck ear neck breast breast neck ear thigh neck ear breast.
3. Damn Darlene. I can’t stand Darlene. It’s all her fault
4. They are really the best lifesavers. Of course, there is also that tropical fruits blend. But maybe actually Butter Rum is still better. Yes, I think it is.
5. I am the worst one at this. Look at them. Everyone else in this room can really meditate except for me. I am the loser here.
2. Peace. Piece of ass. If she would come over here and sit on me I could give her a little peace.
4. Let me name all the flavors in the old regular Lifesavers: Cherry orange, lemon, pineapple… Was pineapple in the original lifesavers? I think it was-
1. No, there is no way. This posture is like a torture device, the floor is icy cold, your own foot pokes you in the thigh, and you have to keep your knee at an inhuman angle.
- I’m going to quit my job, I really am. Darlene just waited until my defenses were down and then she attacked. She sneak attacked. That’s not going to happen again. I know what will really get her.
5. They are all good and I am bad. If I wasn’t such a bad person, my life would be better. Everyone else in this room probably has a boyfriend or girlfriend; or if they don’t they don’t care, they are loners, not losers.
4. Those other “new” tropical fruits, how weird was that? They had both tangerine and like mandarin orange or something in the same roll…there were definitely two orangish flavors, only one of them was opaque and the other was clear.
3. I will be like an A-Bomb sneak attack terrorist bomber at the meeting tomorrow. I can say everything so nice and it won’t be until after she’s lost everything that she will realize she got slammed, killed, put down for good.
2. Kathy Norton from 8th grade? She had such great —wait, that girl right over there is really hot.
- My nose and my butt both itch…at the same time. The pain from my knee is spreading down my leg, I have a cramp, oh god, I have a cramp in my right big toe.
2. “You’re everything a big bad wolf could want. Owwwwooooo!”
- Banana was a bad lifesaver idea, why didn’t they go with coconut?
Clearly, coconut would have been better.
- They don’t worry about money and their bathroom is clean and they have a car that doesn’t make weird noises and they don’t have random thoughts like this. I am the worst one as usual.
(ALL MEDITATORS TALK AT ONCE, REPEATING THEIR LINES)
1. This posture is killing me killing me killing me.
2. I’m a lady killer.
4. Give up. Surrender. No Lifesaver will ever beat Butter Rum.
3. Darlene, baby, you are dead.
5. I want to kill myself. I want to kill myself. I want to kill—
TEACHER: (RINGS CHIME TO INDICATE END OF SESSION) Yes! We have done it! I feel it! This is how you start! This is the truth about world peace! It all begins with what is in our hearts and in our minds! And you? What are you thinking right now? (THE TEACHER LIFTS THE BEAUTIFUL VASE OF FLOWERS AND FLOATS OUT.)
(THE LIGHTS BLACKOUT, INDICATING END OF SCENE, THEN COME BACK UP A LITTLE SO THAT THE ACTORS CAN FIND THEIR WAY OFF STAGE. THE ACTORS ARE UNAWARE THAT THEIR HEADSETS ARE STILL ACTIVATED)
1. I hope I’m not in the next scene so I can stretch.
2. Shallon’s got a cute butt too.
3. Boy, Joshua really messed that scene up, if it didn’t
work it was all his fault.
4. How about that Mint variety pack? Does Lifesaver still make those?
5. I am the worst actor in this company, I’ll probably get fired tonight.