The Blind Leading the Blind
by Mat Capper
I hate fucking hate drugs, heroin and crack cocaine in particular. I remember seeing an interview with a film director who said if you know people who mess with heroin and cocaine you may as well put them in the bin, or words to that effect. The lefty dogooder in me wants to challenge that idea, the intellectual wants to educate people against getting involved, and the realist says that generation after generation do and will get into taking drugs for a million different reasons.
It’s so sad and so obvious that people continue to get involved and get messed up. I get so angry seeing young intelligent potential revolutionaries being used and abused in return for drugs, and women who would never sell themselves short if they were clean. A close friend of mine, who was a prostitute for years to fund a habit recently returned to heroin and is once again selling herself to bums so she can smoke heroin and escape from the ‘pain’ of life. When clean she is the most stable, caring and honest person I could ever wish to meet. It’s like she becomes possessed by the devil and taken to the dark side of life.
It’s not that heroin causes a huge number of deaths, anywhere near the thousands the media would lead us to believe. Alcohol accounts for fifty times more fatalities than all drugs put together. But heroin takes the very soul of people and turns them into Gollum type creatures of the night. I’m sure this isn’t the case for all users, if you have a good clean supply I’m sure you’ll be fine, but it is in my surroundings.
So what is it that happens to people, once possessed by the poison? Well they become physically ill, their skin deteriorates, and they may become pale and thin. But it’s much more than that. I saw my friend today, and it’s like her very soul has been stripped. Her eyes have become black and dark. The sparkle she had has long gone, and she exists rather than lives. It’s so sad, and it makes me so angry.
Then there are the drug dealers profiting from misery, so called soldiers of the streets, who will accept any payment in return for little bags of brown poison. What has happened to the criminal world? Has capitalism infected even the crooks and swindlers? Everyone likes to fantasize about the past and how crooks of old used to help ‘their own’. My granddad ran gambling in Liverpool in the 60’s. He used to import cannabis and Bacardi from Spain and mixed with all the old school ‘gangsters’ of his day. Nothing to be proud of really, but there seemed to be some sort of code of honour, some basic rules of engagement in which innocent people didn’t get hurt and anyone without was given money to feed their kids. Wealth seemed to be spread around a little and it was rare to hear of anyone being killed or hurt. Arguments were dealt with by straighteners, and both parties shook hands and went for a drink afterwards. I know I might be simplifying or glorifying things a little but today’s society is totally different. Nowadays kids are shooting kids, people poison ‘their own’ with smack and crack and cities are close to imploding.
So what’s the answer to this elongated rant? Well for starters we have to give drugs to people who choose to use them. At least then they won’t be mixed with rat poison, brick dust, flour, creatine or bleach. It’s the impurities of the supply that cause physical health problems like veins closing down, or bronchial infections, not the drug itself. The problem is once substances are made illegal their concentration goes through the roof. Prohibition in America meant that only the strongest alcohol was made because who is going to waste time making a barrel of beer for $10 profit when you can produce a gallon of spirit and make $100? It's simple business and unfortunately the most ‘successful’ dealers are the best businesspeople.
Secondly we need to offer people who wish to come off drugs an alternative to the revolving door of detox and GP’s. It strikes me as strange that drugs are used for people who want to come off drugs. I work closely with GP’s whose time is limited, and often their only option is to offer anti-depressants. I’m sure there is an argument that anti-depressants and SSRI’s in particular will increase serotonin levels in the brain and thus ease the depression, but at what cost? And where is the proof? I spent many years taking various anti-depressants and I’m afraid to say that none of them made the blindest bit of difference. The only thing I ever felt was a little numb, like I was living my life under water. I tried every ‘new’ miracle cure and got absolutely no-where. I went from expert to expert until one day I reached a point where I knew I had to look elsewhere. I had to look within and discover another way of living. For me that included a voyage of self discovery: Buddhism, fishing, walking, writing, smiling, and accepting life on life’s terms. In effect my expectations of life became realistic, and I realized I needed the lows to appreciate the highs. I realized that the rollercoaster ride was actually quite good fun.
I think this is why so many religious movements find vulnerable people are the best devotees; because anything is better than living hell. Maybe I need to return to my agnostic ways rather than being a staunch atheist. The problem is when I do start to try and get religion I always ask myself this question; if there is a god, then why is my arse the perfect height for kicking?