by David Harrison
I just realized it: Boss > Girlfriend
I mean I was at the market the other day buying balloons for my boss's
birthday, and I came to the sad realization that having a boss is
almost identical to being in a relationship... But like one of those
dysfunctional relationships where one person just keeps the other
around because of his or her uncompromising devotion. Guess which one
I am.
Think about it:
I have her phone number, address, birthday, parents' address, drivers
license number, credit card information and Fedex account number
memorized. And if I forget any of them, I'm in deep trouble. Same
situation with my last girlfriend too... well, not the Fedex thing.
I remember the exact anniversary of when I started working there...
that's more for my benefit though because that's when I get a raise.
My phone runs out of text message memory every few days because of her.
I spend more time with her than any of my friends, and they have
definitely used the phrase "whipped" when I can't hang out with them
because of extra work.
If she's talking to another guy -- well, other employees in general -- I
can't help but feel a little jealous... and then I must try to
secretly destroy that person without her finding out.
But most importantly, my entire life would fall apart if she didn't
exist.
I'm not sure if that's sweet or pathetic.