Dear Wendy-
Since this is the time when you mortals have your festivities to mark the passage of that meaningless increment of time you call a year, I thought it might be a good opportunity to run an idea by you. I don’t understand why you all have such a fear of the future, and frankly, it’s getting me down. Why am I still looked on as the bad guy? I feel like I’ve been saddled with this terrible reputation that is completely unfair. All of you guys are having a great time at your holiday parties, and then someone mentions my name, and it’s the big buzzkill. Why? I’m not my cousin the Grim Reaper, after all.
And, why does that rotten, naked little brat with the top hat and the banner get all of the good press? I think I might have an image problem. I’m feeling like I need to lose the shroud and the gloomy vibe. After all, the future should be something to look forward to, right? Maybe focus on the future angle more. Maybe I should wear a jumpsuit? Is a name change in order as well? Perhaps “ghost” is too spooky? And maybe mentioning “Christmas” makes me seem too denominational, and limits my appeal. How about “the Holiday Dude 2789?’ No, maybe not, then you mortals would figure out when your world will end.
Any ideas? I can’t stand another of your years where all of you mortals treat me like the Black Plague (my other cousin, BTW).
Sincerely-
The Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come
Dear Ghost,
I’m glad you reached out. Not only is your letter seasonal, it’s topical too.
Let’s talk about how important it is to understand who YOU are, and how that’s more important than a popularity contest any day. So, some narrow minded people don’t want to know what’s going to happen to them if they keep packing the kids off with the Tibetan nanny, and popping antidepressants like they’re candy? Is this your problem?
I think not. Your job, as always, is to alert the clueless to what’s liable to come down unless they mend their ways. It is not to soothe them with a PR makeover as their canoe heads down the rapids and over the falls.
Yours is a noble profession. Find support for what you have to do – I suggest the Fictional Characters for Real Life Social Change Working Group, though of course I have to declare an interest – and get on with your valuable work.
And for God’s sake, don’t even think about getting a jumpsuit. That shroud is very appropriate. Becoming, too.
Yours supportively,
Ask Wendy