44. ON A TRAM
BENNIE and FRANK enter, the only passengers.
FRANK manages to find a seat apart from BENNIE. He goes back to his newspaper. BENNIE begins to hum "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts."
Pause.
BENNIE
Frank?
FRANK
Mmmm?
BENNIE
You know what's weird?
FRANK
Mmmmmm?
BENNIE
That guys never talk about sex.
FRANK stops. Looks at BENNIE. Then goes back to his newspaper.
FRANK
(noncommittally)
Mmmmmmm.
BENNIE sighs, twiddles his thumbs on his lap, looks out the window.
Pause.
BENNIE
No, I mean it. The minute chicks
get together, it's blah, blah, blah,
sex this, blah, blah, blah, sex that,
but with guys —
FRANK
Bennie. I'm trying to read my newspaper.
BENNIE
Oh.
(pause)
Sorry.
(pause)
Anything good in there?
Pause. FRANK looks at him meaningfully —
BENNIE
Oh.
(pause)
Sorry.
— and goes back to his NEWSPAPER.
PAUSE.
BENNIE slowly goes back to humming "I've Got a Lovely Bunch of Coconuts," while jiggling the change in his pocket. FRANK, as always, hunches away from him, hiding in his NEWSPAPER.
As the TRAM moves on, BENNIE becomes more bold. The HUMMING GETS LOUDER AND LOUDER…until —
BENNIE
(sings)
"I've got a lovely bunch o'coconuts
See 'em all a-standin' in a row…"
Once again, the LIGHTS FLICKER. GO OUT AND COME BACK ON.
BENNIE
(sings)
"Big ones, small ones, some as big
As yer 'ead…"
FRANK
BENNIE.
BENNIE
(innocently)
Yes?
Pause.
FRANK
Nothing.
Pause. BENNIE again starts out small, and ends with —
BENNIE
(sings)
"There stands me wife
The love of me wife
Singin' rollabolla bolla
Penny a pitch —
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts…"
FRANK
(in desperation)
BENNIE!
Pause.
BENNIE
Yes, Frank?
FRANK
There is something here…actually.
In the newspaper. That might interest
you.
BENNIE
Thank you, Frank. That's very
decent of you —
The TRAM comes to the END OF THE LINE.
BENNIE and FRANK disembark onto –
45. THE DOCK
FRANK
It's a very odd item, actually.
(pause; looks around)
Do we know where we are?
BENNIE
We seem to have ended up back near
the water.
FRANK
(as they walk)
That's very…actually, Bennie.
I've had an inspiration.
BENNIE
What's that, Frank?
FRANK
I've been thinking it over. We must
have boarded the Merseyrail going in
the wrong direction.
BENNIE
(ponders this)
Makes sense to me, Frank.
FRANK
So what we have to do now, I believe,
is catch the ferry BACK over the river
Mersey.
BENNIE
Works for me, Frank. Lead on.
FRANK does. But BENNIE will not let him off the hook.
BENNIE
(meaningfully)
Frank —
FRANK
What?
BENNIE looks at him. They walk onto a —
BRIDGE leading to a SMALL FERRY.
FRANK
Oh. Right. Well, it's this very
odd newspaper…it's just a blurb really, as you Americans would say. A mention.
Almost as if they didn't want you
to see it.
47. HONG KONG HARBOR
They walk onto the STAR FERRY. Many Chinese people follow.
47A. STAR FERRY
The ferry crosses the harbour against a brilliant array of SKYSCRAPERS and LIGHTS. FRANK reads from his paper.
FRANK
All it says is that they've had this
little outbreak of a virus on the
space station that's circling the
planet.
BENNIE Yeah?
FRANK
They've sent someone up there.
BENNIE
Who?
FRANK
Some expert. To deal with it.
BENNIE Just what they should do, Frank.
(pause)
48. FROM THE STAR FERRY
POV of the HONG KONG ISLAND DOCKS.
49. IN HONG KONG
BENNIE follows FRANK.
BENNIE
You see what I mean, Frank? The newspapers.
It's always the same story. Over and over.
It never changes. Not since time began.
50. ABOARD A TRAM
BENNIE and FRANK ride in silence. FRANK beckons to BENNIE to
follow him. BENNIE does so.
53. IN SHIBUYA DISTRICT – TOKYO – JAPAN
At the CROSSROADS.
MASSES OF PEOPLE MOVING IN ALL DIRECTIONS. BRIGHT LIGHTS. HUGE VIDEO SCREEN ADVERTISEMENTS FLASH ABOVE THE STREET. THE SUBWAY RATTLES UNDERGROUND.
Pause.
FRANK
This must be the Japanese garden.
BENNIE
WHAT?
Both stare helplessly at the SEETHING STREET.
FRANK
(reads from his BOOK)
"In 1984, the first International Garden
Festival was held in Liverpool. The
main exhibition areas have become
another leisure venue for the city,
and some of the specialist gardens —
including the JAPANESE GARDEN —
donated to Liverpool by the Government
of Japan…."
BENNIE grabs the book.
BENNIE
Let me see that.
He reads quickly, his lips moving.
Then, half-apologetic, he hands the book back.
BENNIE
Oh. I see.
FRANK
You didn't believe me.
BENNIE
I'm sorry.
FRANK
What did you think, I made it up?
BENNIE
I said I was sorry.
But FRANK, annoyed, walks off. BENNIE, as usual, follows.
They pass a VERY BIG SINGING STAR POSTER — this time with the LETTERING IN JAPANESE KANJI. And disappear around a CORNER.
BENNIE'S VOICE
I'm telling you, man, I've got to
eat. My blood sugar's taking a
major dive.
FRANK'S VOICE
We're both getting irritable. Food
would help. But we must get away from this
crowd.
54. OUTSIDE A NOODLE SHOP
In the DISPLAY WINDOW – A ROW OF PLASTIC EXHIBIT DISHES, illustrating the food to be had inside.
BENNIE O/S
Look at that.
FRANK O/S
It's plastic, Bennie.
55. INSIDE THE NOODLE SHOP
The WOMAN OWNER sweeps up, as her BOYFRIEND drinks a beer.
He obviously waits for her to finish work.
WOMAN
(in JAPANESE)
[Want to go to the movies? They're
playing that Peckinpah film you like.]
BOYFRIEND
(same)
[No. It's dubbed. I don't like dubbed
movies.]
WOMAN
(same)
[Why do they dub them, anyway?]
BOYFRIEND
(same)
[They say nobody will read subtitles
anymore.]
WOMAN
(same)
[It's a shame.]
He shrugs, she hands him her BROOM.
BOYFRIEND
(in JAPANESE)
[You freshen up. I'll finish your
work for you.]
She kisses his cheek and exits. He sweeps up.
He exits, sweeping.
BENNIE and FRANK enter and sit down.
BOYFRIEND reappears.
BOYFRIEND Sorry. Close.
BENNIE groans.
FRANK
(resigned)
Come on, Bennie.
BENNIE, stubborn, sits down.
BENNIE
NO!
FRANK
(looks at him)
Bennie…
BENNIE
No, Frank. No more Mr. Nice Guy.
The worm has turned.
(to BOYFRIEND)
Do you know how much business my
firm is looking to bring into
Liverpool this year? It's time
Liverpool did something for me.
The BOYFRIEND just stares.
BENNIE leaps up, grabs the BOYFRIEND by the arm, drags him to the FRONT WINDOW DISPLAY CASE.
BENNIE
(points)
We'll have one of this…one of
these…and this…and this.
(pause)
You think you can manage that all right?
` WOMAN'S VOICE
(in JAPANESE)
[Everything all right out there?]
BOYFRIEND
(same)
[Just fine.]
He turns abruptly and DISAPPEARS into the back.
FRANK, nervous, watches him go. But BENNIE, pleased that he's carried his point, sits with a sigh of anticipated contentment.
FRANK hesitates, then sits beside him.
After a moment, the BOYFRIEND appears, carrying place settings and glasses of water. FRANK relaxes somewhat.
BENNIE rubs his hands with anticipation.
BENNIE
Sometimes, Frank, you just have to
be firm. That's been the secret of
my success, all over the world. I
know what I want. And I go for it.
The BOYFRIEND reappears, juggling a BUNCH OF PLATES.
BENNIE
NOW we're talking!
The BOYFRIEND arrives tableside. Begins to unload the plates.
THEY ARE THE SAME AS THE PLASTIC DISPLAY FOOD IN THE CASE.
THE TABLE IS COVERED WITH PLASTIC FOOD.
BOYFRIEND
Please.
BENNIE and FRANK stare at the PLASTIC FOOD in silence.
The WOMAN enters, sees this, goes off in a HAIL OF GIGGLES. The BOYFRIEND laughs.
BENNIE clears his throat.
FRANK gets up and leaves.
FRANK
Please!
After an embarrassed moment, BENNIE follows.
56. OUTSIDE IN THE TOKYO STREETS – AROUND SHINJUKU STATION
A BLIND MAN leaves a YAKITORI STALL beneath the railway.
He passes BENNIE and FRANK, approaching —
FRANK
Mr. World Traveler.
BENNIE
Sorry.
They pass THREE SALARYMEN eating yakitori at an outdoor table.
SALARYMAN #1
Bottom line, at the end of the day, the
issue is, what can they bring to the table?
As BENNIE and FRANK pass by, SALARYMAN #2 nods agreement.
BENNIE
How about one of these spots?
FRANK
It's all chicken. I can't eat chicken.
BENNIE
Oh, yeah. Right.
They pass a KARAOKE BAR.
From inside comes the SOUND OF MEN SINGING "THE GREEN, GREEN GRASS OF HOME."
Much LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE.
BENNIE looks wistfully inside.
BENNIE
That must be that guy's place. You
know. The one we met in the bar.
Want to go in?
FRANK
I thought you said you wanted something
to eat.
He turns DOWN ANOTHER STREET.
BENNIE
(chastened)
Oh. Yeah. Right.
He follows.
BENNIE
I read something in the newspaper
the other day…
FRANK just looks at him. And continues on in silence.
BENNIE
No — you'll like this. It's the
kinda thing that'd interest you, Frank.
Really.
57. UP A HIGH-TECH STAIRCASE
FRANK, now in a truly terrible mood, marches grimly upwards. BENNIE watches him anxiously.
FRANK
(sighs)
What?
BENNIE
This scientist says — get this — it's
now actually possible to make CONSCIOUS
MACHINES.
(FRANK looks at him)
No, really! I swear! Just think, Frank.
A word processor that thinks for itself!
Imagine the possibilities!
FRANK
Did the scientist say exactly how he was
going to do this, Bennie? I mean, because,
it seems to me —
BENNIE
He did, Frank! He did! He said what you've
got to do — now this is clever, I mean,
wow, know what I mean? — what you do is
PROGRAM THE COMPUTER TO FEEL FEAR AND
DESPAIR!
FRANK stops dead. He TURNS ON BENNIE.
FRANK
WHAT?!!!
BENNIE
(pleased with the reaction)
Well, Frank, this guy says that's what makes
us the thinking animals we are. So if we
just get a machine to do the same thing….
FRANK
What do you mean, make a computer feel
FEAR AND DESPAIR?
BENNIE
You know. Make it, like, the laptop
needs to feel its owner's touch. You know.
If the owner ignores it, well…it
DIES! You make the computer TERRIFIED that
that might happen. So it just works HARDER!
(pause)
Isn't that COOL?
FRANK stares at him in absolute HORROR. And TURNS FROM HIM, walking on.
FRANK
The world is a horrible place.
BENNIE
Now wait a minute!
58. FURTHER DOWN THE LONG, EMPTY PEDESTRIAN OVERPASS —
FRANK
(looking around in disgust)
England. I hate it.
BENNIE
Now, just you wait a minute, sir.
The world just happens to be a darn
nice place!
FRANK gives him a withering look and continues his walk.
BENNIE
It is! It IS!
FRANK
Give me one example.
BENNIE
Well…well….
He stops, flummoxed.
FRANK
Hah. You see?
BENNIE
(bawls after him)
WHY ARE YOU SO NEGATIVE?
They walk on for a moment in silence.
BENNIE
Okay. Okay. I've got one for you.
I used to have this dog, right?
FRANK
(groans)
Oh, please. Not another American
dog story!
BENNIE takes increasing pleasure in his memory as he gets deeper into the story.
BENNIE
He was a really good dog.
FRANK
Not like those bad dogs you hear so
much about.
BENNIE
He was about a hundred and twenty five
pounds…well, maybe a hundred and ten.
(pause)
Well. Call it eighty-five.
FRANK snorts. BENNIE ignores him.
BENNIE
And he had this maw on him. It was
so gi-normous, it was like the Grand
Canyon! With teeth! I mean, that dog
could have gone for me at ANY MOMENT.
I would have been HAMBURGER!
FRANK turns a corner and tries to walk too fast for BENNIE. But BENNIE keeps up.
BENNIE
Here's the thing. I used to get down
on the floor and wrestle with that dog.
That's right. I'd hum "Ghost Riders
in the Sky," and we'd…
FRANK
You'd hum WHAT?
BENNIE
"Ghost Riders in the Sky."
FRANK
WHY, if I may ask?
BENNIE
I don't know. It was the dog's
favorite song. Anyway, he'd be
lying on his back, his paws waving
in the air — he had paws the size
of Cleveland — and his jaw just
snapping away, and I'd be grabbing
at him, and falling down on top
of him, laughing…
FRANK
Is this leading anywhere?
BENNIE
Okay. Here's my point. I'd be
right down there on the floor. Right
down there with that dog. I'd have my
face right up against his — like an
inch away from his jaw.
(dramatic pause)
And he NEVER, EVER ripped my face off.
FRANK looks at him. GROANS.
BENNIE
No. NO! Isn't that fucking incredible?
That dog could've taken my nose off
AT ANY TIME. And he never even tried.
Not once.
He pulls out his wallet, and a PICTURE OF THE DOG.
BENNIE
Don't you think that was a good story?
(pause)
That was him.
(pause)
Rex.
(pause)
He was some dog, all right.
FRANK
What happened to him?
BENNIE
What? Oh. He got run over by
an overnight delivery truck.
They both look VERY TIRED.
FRANK kicks his PAN AM BAG away in disgust.
BENNIE runs after it.
BENNIE
Frank? I'll get it…
59. ANOTHER PART OF THE METAL BUILDING
FRANK comes to a halt. BENNIE hands him his BAG.